The Blogger Whom Allah HatethGets No Credit for His Scoop

Allah hates me — I own that Google-bomb — and the complex algorithm of Allahpundit non-linkage contributes enormously to situations like this:

In October, a truck driver traveling through a low-income district of Jacksonville, Fla., saw a billboard advertising a program that offered free cell-phones for the poor. The truck driver tipped me, and I reported it on my blog.
Sunday, the New York Times finally did a feature story about Lifeline, a federally-subsidized, federally-mandated program.
The blogosphere is excited about this story. Do I get any credit for my scoop? Of course not. Because I suck.

People have asked me why I keep pointing out how much I suck, but it is Allah who — by his eternal non-linkage — continuously points this out. I merely note the fact, so that when my friends behold with sadness my poverty and obscurity, they need not wonder why.

UPDATE: Woe unto ye, Ed Driscoll, for it is a proverb among the wise that there is hatred sufficient to encompass all who link the blogger whom Allah hateth.

Ed Driscoll doesn’t suck

I just wanted to point that out. Even if he’s not as “hot” as Andy Levy, Ed’s OK with me. But then again, as Mike says, I hang around with losers.

How bad do I suck?

Explained at The Green Room, illustrated here:

UPDATE: Dan Collins recoils from the frightening implosion of “cosmos-bending suckitude.” Avert your eyes, children, or your retinas will be permanently scarred.

UPDATE II: The possibility that Katie Couric sucks worse than me? Nah. Allah could never muster up that much hate for Katie.

UPDATE III: I can so totally relate to this:

“To me she was the sweetest thing. Everyone else — she treated like s**t.”
– Donald Trump, referring to the recently-fired Miss California, Carrie Prejean

Get the point? In other words, if you’re somebody important — someone like Trump whose approval matters — then people are nice to you. They praise you and solicit your favor. But if you’re me? You’re less “hot” than Andy Levy.

It is the blunt expression of contempt (“You’re not on TV and you barely have 1,000 Twitter friends, therefore your existence need not even be acknowledged” ) that is so painful.

But it’s OK. Little Miss Attila still likes me. Right? . . . Right? Hello? Is this thing working?

A. Because I suck, that’s why

Q. Why is The Other McCain not on Wikio’s listing of “Top 100 Political Blogs”?

UPDATE 6/10: John Hawkins’ list of “Thirty Best Conservative Columnists for 2009” confirms the infinite vastness of my suckitude.

UPDATE II: Suckitude illustrated. Suckitude explained. (Although, of course, mere words can never suffice to explain how much I suck.)