Archive for February 1st, 2009

February 1, 2009

Apocalypse of the Apostrophe

It’s not April Fool’s Day yet, so when a Hot Air Headline prompts Little Miss Attilla to call our attention to The War on Apostrophes, we can dismiss suspicions of a fiendish Iowahawk parody.

First, they came for the apostrophes, and I did not speak up, because I was not possessive . . .

February 1, 2009

‘Warped feminist harpies’

“Warped feminist harpies have been wrecking lives with this sort of nonsense for years. At one point, it was ‘Sex is rape! Don’t ever get married! Hate men!’ and now it’s ‘Sex is empowering! Be a whore! Hate men!’ Meanwhile, no one ever looks at the wreckage these feminist kooks create in people’s lives.”

February 1, 2009

‘Unpopular ideas’

“There’s no point in being a postmodern conservative if you can’t say nice things about unpopular ideas.”

February 1, 2009

Giving Canada a bad name

Like “Canada” wasn’t bad enough:

Rush and Hannity and O’Reilly and Ann Coulter and the others have their place and their role. They spoke for an important section of public opinion, and it is a section our party needs. But it is only a section, and not the whole. The more the party allows them to become our public face, the more embattled and endangered the party becomes.

Note the possessive: “Our party.” That would be the party of Harvard-educated Canadians?

Note also how Frum serves up a Hannity & O’Reilly sandwich on Limbaugh-Coulter bread, designating as an ideological category Every Famous Person Who’s Been On Fox News More Than Twice. (And people accuse me of arguing against strawmen . . . .)

As a pre-emptive defense against ugly accusations of anti-Canadianism, I will point out that “some of my best friends are” . . . well, Kathy Shaidle, who is to Canada what Lot was to the Cities of the Plain.


South Park – Blame Canada – video powered by Metacafe

February 1, 2009

‘Okay, Marvin Gaye is obligatory . . ‘

Indeed.

February 1, 2009

Thanks to the two Glenns

Y’know, I’m starting to wonder if maybe Glenn Greenwald is actually a sockpuppet created by Glenn Reynolds for the purpose of ginning up fantastic traffic with pass-the-popcorn flame-wars.

This suspicion was inspired by reflecting on my January traffic figures when, after three months of declining readership — “Sarah Palin bikini picsGoogle traffic began fading in October — the SiteMeter bounced up to a respectable 117K visitors for January. The spike was largely due to the Gaza war between Reynolds and Greenwald.

You think the Gaza war was between the IDF and Hamas? That’s what they want you to think.

In fact, Israel invaded Gaza merely to give Greenwald an excuse to scream “war crimes!” And let’s face it: He doesn’t need much excuse. He allegedly once demanded that the Hague investigate a particularly spirited field-hockey game between St. Elizabeth’s Academy and Westfield Prep.

Some sources say “Glenn Greenwald” is actually a 52-year-old Republican housewife/real-estate broker in Connecticut named Janice Smythe whose hobby is over-the-top parodies of the sort of ACLU/Greenpeace twerp who still sports the faded remains of a Dukakis-Bentsen bumper sticker on his one-owner ’87 Volvo. Smythe, an anti-Semitic homophobe, reportedly created “Greenwald” as a vicious satire of self-hating gay progressive Jews.

Or at least, so “sources say.” My hunch is that these sources are lying, and that in fact Glenn Reynolds created “Greenwald” as a sort of strawman doppelganger, a convenient punching bag for his rhetorical jabs, who also functions as a clandestine pseudonym through which he collects a check from the putzes who run Salon.com. (How did I arrive at this startling conclusion? It was when Reynolds explained that he is actually Mycroft.)

So what you might be tempted to think is a brutal blood feud between Reynolds and Greenwald may be no more genuine than the 1980 Shea Stadium match between Hulk Hogan and Andre the Giant.

Layers . . .
February 1, 2009

The Savage Intensity of Gonzo

“I felt like Martin Bormman. What would happen to this poor wretch when we cut her loose? Jail? White slavery? . . .
“All this was academic, of course. Lucy was a potentially fatal millstone on both our necks. There was absolutely no choice but to cut her adrift and hope her memory was f***ed. But some acid victims — especially nervous mongoloids — have a strange kind of idiot-savant capacity for remembering odd details and nothing else. It was possible that Lucy might spend two more days in the grip of total amnesia, then snap out of it with no memory of anything but our room number at the Flamingo. . . .
“I thought about this . . . but the only alternative was to take her out to the desert and feed her remains to the lizards.”
Hunter S. Thompson

Whatever happened to Lucy, the runaway teenage Jesus freak whose bizarre artistic obsession with Barbra Streisand led her, by disastrous chance, into a drug-addled tryst with Oscar Zeta Acosta at the Flamingo Resort Hotel in Las Vegas in 1971? Assuming she survived being abandoned in Vegas and managed to recover sufficiently from the LSD to live a more or less normal life, Lucy would now be 65 or so. You have to wonder if she even has any inkling of her feature cameo appearance in one of the most famous literary products of the Psychedelic Age.

Oh, I’m not musing entirely at random here. One of my habits is re-reading favorite books. For the past few days I’ve been browsing through “the Vegas book” during smoke breaks and at bedtime.

“Things were good at Empower America [in late 1994]. Newly elected members of Congress called our offices to thank us for what we had done in giving them the ammunition they needed to campaign. Ralph Reed called to see if I wanted to help with more speeches and possibly help him write his next book, for a mainstream publisher. Bill Bennett walked into my office and said that he had recommended me to help write some of Bob Dole’s speeches, since Dole was now running for preisdent. Mike Gerson popped in and said he had recommended me to a newly elected senator from Missouri named John Ashcroft. Life was perfect.”
— David Kuo, Tempting Faith

Not entirely random, you see. Because while out for a pre-dawn smoke break this morning, I happened to skim over Thompson’s description of Lucy, and my mind flashed back to that quote from Kuo’s assistant at Culture11:

How would we be different, David asked, if we had the same writers as everyone else?
That was all the permission we needed to become, as David would often say, “Rolling Stone in the ’70s.” We wanted to be the place that found the next Cameron Crowes and Hunter Thompsons.

Was Cameron Crowe or Hunter Thompson ever employed at a think tank or as a Senate speechwriter? Thompson once ran for sheriff, but . . .

“Bush was the real deal. . . . He was the embodiment of the Christian political statesman I had dreamed of finding and dreamed of being. . . . [After meeting Bush in Texas in 1998] I called my good friend Joe Klein and babbled like a 1960s girl who had just seen the Beatles on the Ed Sullivan show.”
— David Kuo, Tempting Faith

Maybe if Kuo had said, “I babbled like a 1980s girl who had just seen Duran Duran on MTV” . . . but enough of that. I got an e-mail from someone Saturday:

When Kuo was demanding that everyone work out of a high priced office on the Alexandria waterfront instead of just letting it be a collection of nationwide-based authors, you had to know he didn’t have a clue. That thing was the Hindenburg.

From launch in August to collapse in January, Kuo burned through Culture11’s start-up capital in something short of six months. No Crowes or Thompsons escaped the flaming wreckage. And somewhere out there is 65-year-old Lucy, the one person on earth who could ever possibly make sense of it all.

February 1, 2009

Obama dozed, Kentucky froze

Forty-two bitter gun-clingers dead, as the hopelessly incompetent brutally ruthless administration gets revenge for Katrina the Democratic primary. Those 42 innocent victims racist hillbillies might still be alive if it hadn’t been for the newly-created Department of Unicorns and Rainbows, which halted global warming Jan. 20 by executive fiat.

(Headline joke half-stolen from AOSHQ.)

UPDATE: Actually, my friend Jimmie at Sundries Shack lays claim to coining the “Obama dozed, people froze” headline, subsequently picked up by Ed Driscoll and linked at Instapundit.

So that settles that. Next: Anyone want to dispute my authorial claim to “the newly-created Department of Unicorns and Rainbows”? Slublog or someone else in the Army of Photoshoppers should create a federal logo for this new Cabinet-level agency.

February 1, 2009

Another invitation I didn’t get

Must have gotten lost in the mail:

[Sarah Palin] announced earlier this week she’s making the 4,500-mile trek from Alaska to Washington primarily to attend the Alfalfa Club Dinner Saturday night — an annual closed-door roast of the nation’s political elite.

I’m sure Sarah’s still trying to quell that cruel gossip about our relationship, ever since that night in Shippensburg . . .

February 1, 2009

‘The RNC has been controlled since 1988 by cretinous b******s’

Thus saith Quin Hillyer, in answer to Jim Antle’s remarks about the disconnect between the GOP and the conservative movement, remarks provoked by my own wee-hour musings on that subject.

Nothing like stirring up a bloody good row, just for the hilarious fun of it all. Speaking of which:

That Robert Stacy McCain is a tedious nothing will come as no surprise to those of us with a Web browser and the ability to read.

Freddie, you just earn a spot on my quote wall. If you’re going to cut a man, eviscerate him. Style points!

UPDATE: Sorry it took so long to update, but I was (a) exchanging e-mail with mentors, colleagues and proteges; (b) cross-posting at AmSpecBlog, and meanwhile (c) honing my blade.

Our friend Mr. deBoer has dabbled a bit in the clever art of making “The Conservative Case for [INSERT LIBERAL CAUSE HERE].” Having previously noted Conor Friederdorf’s “Conservative Case for Gay Marriage,” we now behold Freddie deBoer’s “Conservative Case for Global Warning Hysteria”:

Faced with broad scientific consensus, a clear notion of individual responsibility, and clear and present threats to our health and our economy, environmentalism wasn’t just for environmentalists anymore. Happily, the growing public consensus that climate change must be genuinely confronted has translated into bigger implications for environmentalism and public policy. Genuine reflection about the limits of our consumption and the impact of our behavior on the world around us — profoundly conservative concerns — is back on the national political table, in a way that has never been possible before.

The discerning mind comprehends at once what a universe of rhetorical opportunity awaits our rising generation of conservative intellectuals. If the “The Conservative Case for the Trillon-Dollar Stimulus” has not yet been published, it is only because David Kuo had to cease operations while that essay was still being drafted. But fertile minds are now busily inquiring after new venues for publication of:

  • “The Conservative Case for Card Check”
  • “The Conservative Case for Trans-Fat Bans”
  • “The Conservative Case for Abolition of the Electoral College”
  • “The Conservative Case for Labial Piercing, Face Tattooing and Other Extreme Body Modifications”

You get the drift. One supposes that these young geniuses, once they’ve finished writing “the conservative case” for everything on the contemporary scene, will then proceed to write critical histories such as “The Conservative Case for Pol Pot,” “The Conservative Case for the Assassination of Archduke Ferdinand,” “The Conservative Case for a Regicide Peace,” and so forth.

Excuse my amusement. A protege e-mailed Saturday to mention that my name came up when she recently interviewed for a publishing job. If she should get the job, maybe her influence could help an old geezer get a small contract for a pamphlet urging what nowadays would be considered a most startling idea:

The Conservative Case for Conservatism.

UDPATE II: I stand accused of “shameless Palin-worship.” But I’m never gonna pull 250K visits per month with “Daniel Larison bikini pics” . . .