John Ziegler, bachelor for life

If I were asked to list everything conservative radio talk-show host and documentary filmmaker John Ziegler does wrong in this dating-show video, I’d reply: “OK, how many weeks do I have to finish the list?”

“See, I’ve never been married. One of the many reasons is, I think if we’re going to live in the real world, the marriage contract should be like every other contract, it should have a certain duration and be renewable. The only reason women would never go for it is that, as you get older, you lose power in the relationship because [men] become more distinguished [but women] get older and by the time we’re in our 40s, the power’s completely shifted . . .”

Dude. Even if you think that, you don’t say that. It’s a date, not an anthropology lecture. It is not romantic to think of “relationships” in terms of “power.” If asked to explain why you’re still unmarried, explain that the True Love of Your Life died in a tragic auto accident and you’ve never gotten over the emotional wound. Even if it’s not true, it sounds better than any other plausible explanation, and it makes you seem vulnerable. Chicks dig vulnerable.

Also, when talking to a woman toward whom you have romantic intentions, beware of the sweeping generalization that includes her — that is to say, do not speak of her as just another woman. Chicks don’t dig that. As a rule, stick to the Mike Damone 5-Point Plan:

First of all Rat, you never let on how much you like a girl. “Oh, Debbie. Hi.” Two, you always call the shots. “Kiss me. You won’t regret it.” Now three, act like wherever you are, that’s the place to be. “Isn’t this great?” Four, when ordering food, you find out what she wants, then order for the both of you. It’s a classy move. “Now, the lady will have the linguini and white clam sauce, and a Coke with no ice.” And five, now this is the most important, Rat. When it comes down to making out, whenever possible, put on side one of Led Zeppelin IV.

Ziegler will be at CPAC, so maybe I can give him some counseling in this matter.

UPDATE: Linked at Hot Air Headlines.

UPDATE II: Just got an e-mail from Ziegler, who says he hasn’t seen the video but feels it may have been edited to misrepresent him. He had agreed to do the show, then wanted to back out because he had other business to attend to, and so he wasn’t really bringing his A-game that day.

Don’t sweat it, John. We love you like a brother, man. I’m sure you’ll find the future Mrs. Ziegler at CPAC, and even if not, we’ll all owe you beers for this one.

UPDATE III: In the comments at Hot Air, Lorien suggests Ziegler was trying to give the girl the brush:

It could be that Ziegler caught something – now edited out – that made him want to end this quickly. No sane guy – on a date with a chick who is pretty cute – is going into this unless his goal is to get out of the date. I’ve done something similar to this in the past, a bit more tactfully, but what guy (or girl) hasn’t pissed off the date on purpose, just to end it.

Hmmm. Maybe. But why do the “suicide bomber” routine with the cameras rolling?

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