Archive for March 17th, 2009

March 17, 2009

It’s David Brooks Fisking Day Again!

Elegant falsehood:

It has been odd, over the past six months, not to have the gospel of success as part of the normal background music of life. You go about your day, taking in the news and the new movies, books and songs, and only gradually do you become aware that there is an absence. There are no aspirational stories of rags-to-riches success floating around. There are no new how-to-get-rich enthusiasms. There are few magazine covers breathlessly telling readers that some new possibility — biotechnology, nanotechnology — is about to change everything. That part of American culture that stokes ambition and encourages risk has gone silent.

The clever trick of this paragraph is the invisible poisonous gas of the second-person plural: “You go about your day . . .” Which is to say, he goes about his day in such a manner. The rhetorical “you” posited by David Brooks in fact means, “people like us.” The reader is invited to imagine himself a member of the Brooksian intellectual class whose chief activities consist of “taking in the news and the new movies, books and songs.”

Brooks’s “you” might include Kathleen Parker or Meghan McCain or any number of other influential, respectable and sophisticated people who occupy those comfortable sinecures where nobody has to hustle for a dollar. But the Brooksian “you” does not encompass Wally Onakoya, driving Fairway Cab No. 1 nights and weekends, paying for his daughter’s college tuition. His “you” does not include my older brother, the truck driver. “You” are not my wife, the school cafeteria lady. “You” are not Frequent Commenter Smitty, ex-Navy IT geek slammin’ the Cthulhu-fu just for fun.

The actual “you” — the Ordinary American — still works as hard as ever in hope of success, still gets up every morning thinking of some new way to make life better for you and your family. You are all right with me, but quite frankly, you don’t care any more for my opinion than you care for David Brooks’s opinion. The Ordinary American lives his life in the real world, where “image” is not everything, where no one is impressed by the intellectual’s ability to write elegant nonsense, where a Harvard diploma and $1.29 will get you a medium regular coffee at Sheetz.

David Brooks thinks you are too stupid to see through his clever little word games, the signifying jive of the privileged elite. But he’s not actually talking to you, he’s talking to The Republicans Who Really Matter, a private club that you will never be invited to join.

David Brooks gets paid $300,000 a year to tell the snobs what they want to hear: Ignore those barbarians, those hell-raisers and holy rollers. Don’t worry about the “revolt of the kulaks” and those silly Tea Party protesters.

How much do I get paid to point out the fact that David Brooks is so full of crap his eyes are brown? That depends on you. If 150,000 people hit my tip jar with $20 this year, I’ll be even with Brooks. But I’ll never stop punk-smacking his smirky little face. Every Tuesday until the Brooksian delusion is vanquished, the punk-smacking will continue. So hit the tip jar, you cheapskate bastards.

March 17, 2009

Adam P. DuPont, Thuggin’ for Hope

A vicious “progressive” Internet menace has been exposed:

Adam P. DuPont, now of Northampton Mass, is “tas.” “tas” is Adam P. DuPont, 30 as of March 2009. A part-time waiter, a long-time student, and a full-time internet thug whose political output consists almost entirely of foul-mouthed attacks on “wingnuts,” many of them no more important than ordinary bloggers — at least two of whom have had to deal with real-life threats resulting from Adam P. DuPont’s preferred brand of online activity.

Welcome to the innertoobs, douchebag troll.

UPDATE 3/23: Linked by Dan Collins at PW Pub.

March 17, 2009

From Hope to Hopeless in 8 Weeks

The inevitable result of arrogance and incompetence, hiding behind a ferocious facade of lies, descends upon 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue:

This administration treats legitimate opposition as traitorous revolt. The politics of personal destruction are back, big time. There is a deliberateness to the seemingly disconnected attacks, with the media and legislators taking cues from the White House war room.
But this chaos cannot endure. It may work for short periods of time, or to get a specific bill passed, but it reflects an administration that has lost its ability to motivate people through a positive message.

In less than two months, Team O has squandered the enormous political capital produced by the personal popularity of its candidate. Team O has collaborated with the Pelosi/Reid axis of corruption, pandered to union goons and the abortion lobby, insulted our nation’s allies and aided her enemies, aggressively pursued neo-Keynesian economic nonsense (It Won’t Work) and attempted to distract attention by orchestrating attack-machine efforts against its critics.

Now Obama desperately struggles to avoid becoming known as The Only President Worse Than Jimmy Carter. Way to go, Rahm!

UPDATE: Referencing the AIG debacle that Obama is trying to scapegoat on others, Dan Riehl writes:

Two months in and Obama has helped tank the stock market with pessimism only to help him pass a political agenda in the form of stimulus package. His latest blurt seems to have been counter-productive to his stated economic goals. But hopefully Obama feels better for having gotten his rage on.
How far in over his head does he have to get before he starts wearing water-wings?

Just when you think they can’t get any worse, they do. An electoral triumph for the Democrats becomes a governmental disaster for the nation, and the scary thing is that they keep piling error on top of blunder on top of hubris with such relentless fuckuppery that no nadir to the abyss is in sight.
March 17, 2009

Two new Facebook friends

Norma McCorvey just friended me on Facebook!

Also, I was re-friended by my lovely bride, Mrs. Other McCain. She got mad at me after CPAC and unfriended me, and now she’s friended me again. My semi-permanent residence in the McCain family doghouse is entirely my own fault, because I’m a stupid thoughtless shmuck.

Frankly, I spend too much time blogging and the tip jar contributions aren’t exactly rolling in this week. A nice guy sent me $5 after being referred by Chris Muir. In expressing my gratitude via e-mail, I explained to the the tip-jar hitter that if I can get 599,999 more of you guys to kick in $5, I’ll be even with David Brooks (and it’s Tuesday again, Dave). Some people have very generously given as much as $100(!), but whether it’s $5 or $100, every penny is appreciated with prayerful gratitude.

However, the vast majority of readers have decided on a contribution of $0.00.

Nothing can so demoralize a greedy right-wing capitalist blogger as this mute evidence that his contributions to the ‘sphere are considered worthless. When I walked away from the newspaper business to become a freelance writer and independent blogger, I never thought I’d get a million hits in less than a year — but I was sure going to try my damnedest. Yet I’m beginning to understand why longtimers sometimes gets so frustrated with blogging.

Get as much traffic as you will, it’s doggone hard to monetize content value on the Internet, and it keeps getting harder all the time. A few years ago, while I was still working for The Man and forbidden to blog, the once wide-open BlogAds Network became an exclusive “members only” clique where you had to have a member’s sponsorship to join. Since everybody hates me, I’m not invited. OK, fine, I’ll do the A*d*s*e*n*s*e thing, even though the pay-per-impression rate is much lower.

Well, there are conservative think tanks and foundations and political operations that expend vast amounts of money on “online activism,” and you might think some of those big wheels would throw a guy a grant, an ad, or a consulting contract. But everybody hates me, so other people get that money, while I consult newbie bloggers for $50 or $100 a pop. (The Vast Right-Wing Conspiracy offers lots of “fellowship” programs for Promising Young Conservatives; there is not a dime available for Middle-Aged Ex-Democrat Journalists Who Have to Work For a Living.)

OK, fine. I’m a greedy capitalist blogger, and those lazy 501(c) non-profit assholes can choke on their damned fellowships: I Write For Money. So if I have to crawl to editors asking for freelance assignments — no editor ever solicits me for work, because everybody hates me and some young Harvard-educated know-it-all is always available for any really important assignment — and if I have to shake the tip jar like an epileptic craps player trying to roll 11 in Vegas, that’s what I’ll do. I will humliate and debase myself and beg for money. To quote the Temptations, “Ain’t too proud to beg, sweet mama.”

Monday night, I conducted a karaoke seminar in Alexandria, Virginia, with Frequent Commenter Smitty in attendance. Let Smitty testify to the quality of the performance. When I started playing guitar at 16, I used to take my ax down to the flea market on Bankhead Highway in Lithia Springs, Ga., and perform for passersby to draw customers to my best friend’s booth, with a cigar-box tip jar to allow patrons to show their appreciation. That’s show bidness at its raw essence, people, and I guarantee you that kind of gig teaches a lot more about “viral promotion” than will ever be known by a lot of these Online Snake-Oil Hustlers who get fat contracts from the Republican Party.

(Contemplate the Parable of the Doubting Padwans of Fu. And ask yourself, “Why a parable?”)

Last night, I was talking with my old friend Tito Perdue, who assured me that there is no justice in the world, and that any writer of ability, who has any sense of honor or any principle of personal integrity, is therefore doomed to poverty and obscurity. If you don’t suck up to the Establishment and parrot the Conventional Wisdom, Tito assured me, you will be marked as dangerous, ostracized, and forced into a penurious, peripheral existence.

Maybe Tito is right. But I argued back at him, citing the evidence that we see all around us of the mighty being brought low (Citibank shares trading for less than an ATM fee), and the humble being lifted up (Joe the Plumber). Tito is a man of tremendous erudition and culture but, alas, is a disbelieving pagan. By contrast, I’m a barbaric hillbilly holy roller, and I told Tito that I have faith that indeed there is justice in the universe, and . . . Well, an old song says it best:

Here I raise my ebenezer;
Hither by thy grace I’ve come.

Has God brought me this far — rescued me and instructed me, blessed me and chastised me — only to abandon me to shameful destruction now? If he did, could I complain? We are but sinners in the hands of an angry God.

Yet I know this: God still works old-fashioned miracles, if you’ve got old-fashioned faith. And if I’m getting a little nervous about the tip jar, this is a fear that testifies only to the weakness of my faith. By the time I post this and check my e-mail again, there may be another contribution, just to chastise my doubt. But if it’s still $0.00, still I will believe.

Update: by Smitty
The bar had beer on tap and in bootles, which meant it was almost too gucci for my taste.
I was timely; RSM, fashionable. HotMES was fashionable in another sense. The blog chit-chat was fun, but the action began when Stacy “cut” in on an abandoned karaoke slot and blew the lid off of

As he returned to the table, I leaned over to HotMES and said “What’s amazing is that this is the first time he’s ever done that song.” I earned a saucy wink from RSM for my trouble. My estimate may have been low.
He danced wildly (but tastefully, always tastefully) with some of the other patrons.
As he was holding forth on the following DAC, a lady leaned over and asked: “Is he always like this?”

“Yeah,” I replied “but he’s got a heart of gold.”

March 17, 2009

Hammer, nail, head

Plain and simple, the Democrats are buying their votes, with policies that only harm the communities whose votes they are buying. Once again, we let the Democrats frame the issues to make it sound like our policies, or our objections to theirs, are selfish and designed to protect the rich. Unfortunately, too many of our spokespeople get caught up defending themselves against wild accusations rather than just exposing the truth about the harmful results of these sound-good Democrat policies.”

March 17, 2009

Attention, D.C. New Media: OPEN BAR!

We know that left-wing New Media types have their own half-vast conspiracy. The great thing about the Vast Right-Wing Conspiracy is that we’re capitalists, so instead of a list-server, our conspiracies are plotted at cool parties with catered buffets, free booze and attractive women.

If you are a blogger or other conservative New Media activist, there will be an invitation-only OPEN BAR party this Wednesday evening (3/18) in D.C., hosted by a major free-market organization. Two bold-face name Famous Conservative Personalities will host the event, and I have been asked to help spread the word about this important event to all you boozehead moochers bloggers and random hotties New Media activists.

If you haven’t yet gotten the invitation, please e-mail me or Frequent Commenter Smitty for details.

UPDATE: The sponsor of the event has asked that I give a link to their site: Americans for Limited Government. I didn’t know if they wanted the whole freaking Internet to know they were throwing an OPEN BAR PARTY, and thus be swamped with e-mails from blog readers begging for an invite to get the free booze, buffet, et cetera, so I didn’t name them initially.

March 17, 2009

Video: Tara Wheeler will shave bald

Beauty and the baldness (via Clearly Nebulous):

And the Washington Post reports why Miss Virginia is willing to shave her head as bald as Smitty’s:

The latest look in the pageant business: a bald beauty queen.
It required permission from both the Miss America Organization and state pageant officials, but Miss Virginia 2008 Tara Wheeler will shave her head next month if she generates enough money for pediatric cancer research.
“If I raise $500,000, I am allowed to be a bald Miss Virginia,” Wheeler told us yesterday. . . .
The 24-year-old military brat/journalism major came up with the idea two months ago when she was invited to an event for St. Baldrick’s Foundation, a charity for kids’ cancer research. The fundraising gimmick? Participants set donation goals and, if they meet them, shave their heads.
Wheeler thought to herself, “I could do that.” No shrinking violet, she was starting goalie for the women’s ice hockey team at Penn State, which she attended on an Air Force ROTC scholarship. In college, she also began volunteering in charity dance marathons, and is an ambassador for the Children’s Miracle Network. She was crowned Miss Virginia in June, and has been visiting cancer patients in hospitals ever since.
One thing that bugged her were the little girls who were teased about losing their hair. Wouldn’t it be cool if she were bald, too? “Imagine how those little girls will feel when they get a visit from Miss Virginia and she pulls off her wig?” Wheeler says in a YouTube video.

So if you want to see Tara with the cueball look, go to her St. Baldrick’s site and give now!

UPDATE: Shaving it for charity catches on!

March 17, 2009

Troglopundit Having Too Much Fun

by Smitty

The Bloviating Troglopundit of Baraboo seems fascinated with the whole Meghan/Laura/Elizabeth menage-a-twits. Which prompted the contribution of a classic, adaptable jape in the comments.
It wasn’t my all time favorite, though.
Disclaimer: this post is driven by the sad follicle jealously of a balding man, not any particular flavor of mysoginy.

March 17, 2009

There Must Be a Joke in Here Somewhere

by Smitty

I got the Jesus could build a cabinet joke. Carpenter builds cabinets, POTUS having a spot of trouble. Here comes this tidbit about OJ Simpson being short a few quid.

Barrett Prody, the brother of Simpson’s former girlfriend, has created a nonprofit corporation and an Internet Web site, the Society Against Legal Injustice Inc., to raise money for Simpson.

I’m thinking about campaign web sites, cabinetry, gloves, but it’s all a blank. Somebody help me connect the dots.

March 17, 2009

Why Does Instapundit Hate Virginia?

by Smitty

Here he goes with another Murtha is a crook post, which we all understand. But The Fine Article also points out (emphasis mine) that

John Murtha [D-PA], James Moran [D-NJ(sic)*], and Pete Viclosky [D-IN] all figured prominently, but the report showed a wide range of behaviors by politicians in both parties.

Look, when one screws up, one should air the laundry. It’s good for the soul. Others may learn vicariously not to repeat your (in this case, voting) errors. So, Instapundit, please help VA-8 to understand where we went wrong, what we did to offend, and how we can overcome your disdain in our efforts to get equal airtime for our local nitwit. Help us be rid of this peripatetic pettifogger:

*Just how does one screw that up?