Dibs on ‘Allah hates me’ Google-bomb

Allah hates me. Why? Because I’m not a Cool Kid:

Why have I never been cool? Because cool people, by definition, are never enthusiastic. “Cool” is the antithesis of such words as cheerful, energetic, optimistic. All the Cool Kids wear black, quote Nietzsche, and stare blankly at the world muttering darkly cynical aphorisms that no one outside their clique can hope to fathom.
My career as a Cool Kid peaked one Friday afternoon in April 1977 . . .

Read the whole thing.

UPDATE: Brother Dave cites Terry Pratchett:

The monastery of the Monks of Cool is found in a laid back valley in the lower Ramtop mountains. They are a reserved and secretive sect and believe that only through ultimate coolness can the universe be comprehended, that black goes with everything, and that chrome will never truly go out of style. To become a fully accepted Monk, a novice is given the following test. Several outfits are laid out in front of him and the tester asks, “Yo, my son, which of these outfits is the most stylish thing to wear?” The correct answer is “Hey, whatever I select.”

Righteous, brother. You’re cool. And I mean that in an utterly unironic way, too.

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