‘Integrity’? Like Paul F***ing Anka, Baby

Ace of Spades mentions “integrity” in discussing his services last year “as an apologist for the horrible candidate John McCain.” I traveled a good distance down that particular road myself — I’d link some of it, if only it weren’t so traumatically embarrassing — but I knew when to pull the ripcord:

John McCain lost the election Sept. 24 and Barack Obama will be the next president of the United States. Nothing that is likely to happen between now and Nov. 4 can change this outcome. . . .
Democrats are already rushing to promote Obama’s coming victory as a mandate for their “progressive” agenda. Conservatives need to begin telling the true story of McCain’s defeat, which must be admitted before it can be explained.

That was published Oct. 7 by The American Spectator, nearly a full month before the election. In fact, my spontaneous reaction Sept. 24 to McCain’s stunt (“insane . . . I can’t see the benefit, either in terms of policy or politics”) was almost a perfect bull’s-eye. And let the record show that, once everything was said and done, all informed analysts agreed with me that Crazy Cousin John’s support for the bailout was the decisive turning point in his well-deserved defeat. (See also Doug Mataconis: “The McCain Campaign: What Went Wrong.”)

The question has since been asked, by friends, whether I have any regrets. Short answer: None at all. I didn’t vote for Obama and I didn’t vote for Crazy Cousin John. Let other people apologize for their choices, but I have nothing to regret. (Don’t Blame Me, I Voted For Bob Barr.) So I felt obligated to make this point in my reply to Ace:

If the Republican Party could nominate as its presidential candidate a man whose only apparent political principle has been the advancement of his own ambition and still win, what kind of cynic would call that a good outcome? When the GOP nominates the wrong man, the electoral debacle that inevitably follows cannot be interpreted as evidence that the party should nominate more scoundrels like that.

Which is to say, What Would Paul F***ing Anka Do?

Lots of people disagree with me, and I have no problem with that. They have the right to be wrong. I understand that my habit of being 100% right all the time is annoying to people who are wrong. Yeah, it might be kind of boring if every other blog on the planet was nothing but a series of links like this:

Stacy McCain Is Right!
Once Again, Stacy McCain Is Exactly Right!
How Much More Nail-On-The-Head Accurate Could Stacy McCain Possibly Be?
Holy Freaking Crap! That Guy Could Split Atoms With His Infallible Logic!

Boring, yes. But accurate. What’s the point of being a know-it-all if you don’t actually know it all? Isn’t that why people read Hot Air, because Allah knows everything?

So when I’m right, right, right, right all the time, and other people are reliably wrong like clockwork (e.g., David Brooks), then maybe a good political strategy for the Republican Party would be to listen to me: Do the exact opposite of whatever David Brooks says to do. Cf. “How to Think About Liberalism (If You Must).”

There was a time — perhaps as recently as yesterday — when my prophetic omniscience may have been incomplete. As of today, however, just call me Mr. Authoritative Truth. So believe me when I tell you that, even though Ace is wrong about this one thing, he isn’t a total whore, no matter what David Frum says.

(Yeah, I did steal that Photoshop. Sue me.)

UPDATE: Linked by Paul Anka Instapundit, and please also see my sentimental tribute to Ace of Spades at the Green Room. And while I have no regrets about my political choices in 2008, that’s not the same as having no regrets.

(Regrets? I’ve had a few, but then again . . .)

UPDATE II: Dan Collins is a genius, and also has some interesting arguments on ObamaCare. Everyone who cares about the future of the Republican Party the conservative cause America the world the universe should commit to memory every priceless word that Dan Collins writes.

UPDATE III: Dr. Melissa Clouthier:

Well, we’re not being screwed, these days. We’re being freaking gang-raped. . . . Does anyone really believe that a John McCain presidency would have sold out the country to the Unions? Does anyone really believe we’d have to be beating back the biggest power grab by the federal government ever?

Yes, and how did this happen? Because I voted for Bob Barr in Maryland? I think not. The GOP nominated as its presidential candidate the only candidate in the primary field for whom I could not vote. (S. 2611.) The most electable candidate in the Republican field, Mitt Romney, quit two days after Super Tuesday.

When the Republican Party nominates a guaranteed loser who — surprise! — loses, how is this result to be blamed on those who opposed the nomination, who specifically, accurately and concisely predicted what events would happen? I predicted it on Super Tuesday, and you may read “Bill Kristol & the Idiocy of Hope” — from Monday, Nov. 3 — and be assured that I have no regrets about that post, either.

How many times do I have to repeat myself? If you volunteer to be a doormat, don’t complain about the footprints on your back.

If the Republican Party can nominate Bozo the Clown with the calm certainty that, on the day before the election, Bill Kristol, Fred Barnes and Sean Hannity will be lecturing conservatives about how important it is that they vote for Bozo — “That clown is a Great American! He’s pulled to within the margin of error in Idaho!” — whose fault is it that the GOP gets its ass kicked and nobody takes the conservative movement seriously?

Obama, Pelosi and Reid are running roughshod over the Constitution, and this is to be blamed on me?

Fine. It’s all my fault. Blame me. Or Sarah Palin. Or Rush Limbaugh. Take your pick. Since it seems absolutely essential to some people that the clueless GOP hacks who orchestrated this disaster never be held accountable for their errors, please don’t let me me disturb the search for a convenient scapegoat.

But why keep searching? It was me. Mea culpa.

Whatever you do, don’t blame John McCain, or any of the idiots at GOP-HQ who squandered $792 million on the 2008 Republican campaign — hey, let’s hire the Dynamic Duck Duo! — because if you blame them, somebody might accuse you of trying to be “morally superior.”

UPDATE IV: OK, excuse the outburst. I’m just tired, is all. Everybody knows exactly what needs to be done. Except me. I’m the only person in the entire conservative blogosphere who doesn’t know anything about politics, or media, or campaigns.

So whatever you do, ignore me — until it’s time to blame me.

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