Archive for ‘Allah Hates Me’

July 29, 2009

Glenn Beck Says: ‘Best. Book. Evah!’

Obviously, it takes a big man to admit that a mere “Asian woman” has written a better book than his own bestseller but . . . Glenn, have your people call my people, OK?

You know, I never did get around to exploring the question of why Allah hates me. When we were in Denver for the Apotheosis last summer, I asked Michelle, and she said she doesn’t know, either. Maybe it’s . . . wait a minute.

What’s this? MK Ham and Sully, sittin’ in a tree? . . . Errrr, errrr . . . .

July 16, 2009

Michelle Malkin: Best book evah!

And not just because, on Page 1, she begins by giving a well-deserved punk-smacking to David Brooks.

Culture of Corruption: Obama And His Team of Tax Cheats, Crooks, and Croniesbuy two copies and give one to a liberal friend, just to annoy him — is the most thorough, well-documented history of Democratic Party corruption since . . .

Hey, wait a minute. What’s this on Page 291?

No author is an island. Robert Stacy McCain, fellow ink-stained wretch-turned blogger and co-author of the essential Donkey Cons: Sex, Crime, and Corruption in the Democratic Party, provided invaluable writerly advice and counsel (every bit of which I took except . . .

Read the whole thing. I’m not authorized to give away all of Michelle’s secrets, but for a mere $35.50 $18.45 — our special Amazon discount! — you can learn the hidden truth!

Not only that, but if you’ll hit the tip jar and come back to this post later today, I’ll update with some fascinating exclusive background about Michelle and explore the Big Question: “Why does Allah hate me?”

June 15, 2009

The Blogger Whom Allah HatethGets No Credit for His Scoop

Allah hates me — I own that Google-bomb — and the complex algorithm of Allahpundit non-linkage contributes enormously to situations like this:

In October, a truck driver traveling through a low-income district of Jacksonville, Fla., saw a billboard advertising a program that offered free cell-phones for the poor. The truck driver tipped me, and I reported it on my blog.
Sunday, the New York Times finally did a feature story about Lifeline, a federally-subsidized, federally-mandated program.
The blogosphere is excited about this story. Do I get any credit for my scoop? Of course not. Because I suck.

People have asked me why I keep pointing out how much I suck, but it is Allah who — by his eternal non-linkage — continuously points this out. I merely note the fact, so that when my friends behold with sadness my poverty and obscurity, they need not wonder why.

UPDATE: Woe unto ye, Ed Driscoll, for it is a proverb among the wise that there is hatred sufficient to encompass all who link the blogger whom Allah hateth.

June 3, 2009

Dibs on ‘Allah hates me’ Google-bomb

Allah hates me. Why? Because I’m not a Cool Kid:

Why have I never been cool? Because cool people, by definition, are never enthusiastic. “Cool” is the antithesis of such words as cheerful, energetic, optimistic. All the Cool Kids wear black, quote Nietzsche, and stare blankly at the world muttering darkly cynical aphorisms that no one outside their clique can hope to fathom.
My career as a Cool Kid peaked one Friday afternoon in April 1977 . . .

Read the whole thing.

UPDATE: Brother Dave cites Terry Pratchett:

The monastery of the Monks of Cool is found in a laid back valley in the lower Ramtop mountains. They are a reserved and secretive sect and believe that only through ultimate coolness can the universe be comprehended, that black goes with everything, and that chrome will never truly go out of style. To become a fully accepted Monk, a novice is given the following test. Several outfits are laid out in front of him and the tester asks, “Yo, my son, which of these outfits is the most stylish thing to wear?” The correct answer is “Hey, whatever I select.”

Righteous, brother. You’re cool. And I mean that in an utterly unironic way, too.