Archive for ‘crime’

June 10, 2009

Holocaust Museum shooter:A journalism major?

Why am I not surprised?

The shooter has been unofficially identified James W. von Brunn, of Annapolis, Md.
The gun-battle occurred in the museum lobby and started when the attacker began shooting with a “long gun,” said Sgt. David Schlosser.
Mr. von Brunn has a Web site holywesternempire.org that includes anti-Semitic and racial statements.
The site also states Mr. von Brunn has a journalism degree from a mid-Western university . . .

When I had breakfast with Obi’s Sister and her family last week, her son said he was considering a major in journalism. I cautioned him strongly against it. As a general rule, with few exceptions, journalism majors don’t amount to crap in the news business.

Major in journalism, and next thing you know, you could end up like Rev. Wright: “The JOOOOOZZZ!”

UPDATE: You could have won $20 by betting $10 against the initial house odds at The Jawa Report, which has a good rundown on Von Brunn’s kooky rantings.

UPDATE II: Bloggregating at NTCNews.com. Michelle Malkin has a good round-up, including this from Donald Douglas:

The spin on the left is that the suspect, James Von Brunn, is an agent of the GOP’s “Christian-fascist” base. The truth is, via Melissa Clouthier, this guy’s a deranged Holocaust denier. He represents no one on the conservative right – not me, nor any of those with whom I associate.”

Exactly. The Left gets to decide what qualifies as “right-wing,” and nothing any conservative says in contradiction can be taken seriously.

BTW, I guess I should link Melissa Clouthier, sort of as an afterthought. I hope she doesn’t take it personally or anything like that.

June 1, 2009

‘This is not pro-life . . .’

“My Facebook feed is blowing up with pro-life leaders posting this story and condemning the murder of Dr. Tiller . . . because murdering someone in cold blood like this is not pro-life.”
Becky Brindle

MORE AT NTC NEWS

May 31, 2009

Oh, God, not this: Tiller assassinatedMORE UPDATES:: Suspect arrested

6:10 p.m. EDT:

PREVIOUSLY (4:35 p.m.EDT): While we await the police press conference, pro-life blogger Becky Banks Brindle has aggregated reaction from pro-life activists, including condemnation of the assassination by National Right to Life.

4:45 p.m.: Steve Marshall of USA Today is trying to outblog me on this story. Good luck with that, Steve. Beers to the winner, eh?

Reaction from Rude News, and linked at Comments From Left Field. Someone else has linked, proving again the truth of Rule 4 that linky-hate is the same as linky-love.

Expect further updates . . .

PREVIOUSLY: 3:45 p.m.: KMBC-TV reports:

A man sought in connection with the shooting was taken into custody south of the Kansas City area on Sunday afternoon. . . .
Police were not immediately identifying the name of the man arrested.
Attorney Dan Monnat said Tiller, 67, was shot at about 10 a.m. as he served as an usher during morning services at Reformation Lutheran Church. Monnat said Tiller’s wife, Jeanne, was in the choir at the time of the shooting.

4:05 p.m.: Details about the suspects arrest are still very sketchy. The Wichita Eagle is on the story:

The suspect in this morning’s fatal shooting of George Tiller is in custody, according to emergency dispatchers.
Authorities have yet to release more information about the arrest. Wichita police have scheduled a 4 p.m. news conference to discuss the case . .

Patterico is also blogging, as is Gateway Pundit. Meanwhile, some self-proclaimed “Putz” counterfactually accuses me of “blaming the victim.”

Sigh. I’ve laid aside an essay I had worked on for four hours, so that I could try to get the updated news here, and put it in historical perspective. This insulting response is the thanks I get. So to the Putz, I say, in the famous words of Rahm Emanuel . . .

UPDATE 4:20 p.m.: Sweet mother of pearl! I’m not going to link Andrew Sullivan on this one, but Professor Donald Douglas does. Go read that and come back, because big news is breaking, and I’m holy unshirted hell on deadline when news is breaking.

PREVIOUSLY (2:36 p.m. EDT): While I was working on a long Hayekian essay today, the New York Times reported this awful news:

George Tiller, the Wichita doctor who became a national lightning rod in the debate over abortion, was shot to death this morning inside the lobby of his Wichita church.
Tiller, 67, was shot just after 10 a.m. at Reformation Lutheran Church at 7601 E. 13th, where he was a member of the congregation. Witnesses and a police source confirmed Tiller was the victim.
Police said they are looking for white male who was driving a 1990s powder blue Ford Taurus with Kansas license plate 225 BAB . . .

Via Memeorandum, which links reaction by Professor Donald Douglas, among many others. Prayers for the law enforcement officers who seek the killer, and prayers for the families and friends of both Tiller and his assassin.

“Let every soul be subject unto the higher powers. For there is no power but of God: the powers that be are ordained of God. Whosoever therefore resisteth the power, resisteth the ordinance of God: and they that resist shall receive to themselves damnation. For rulers are not a terror to good works, but to the evil. Wilt thou then not be afraid of the power? do that which is good, and thou shalt have praise of the same . . .”
Romans 13:1-3 (KJV)

Sometimes, when the stubborn wickedness of a people offends God, the Almighty witholds His divine protection, permitting those sinners to have their own way, following the road to destruction so that they are subjected to evil rulers and unjust laws. Never, however, does the wise and faithful Christian resort to the kind of lawlessness practiced with such cruelty today in Kansas.

And so much for finishing my Hayekian essay, I suppose.

UPDATE: One reason I so despise such criminal idiocy is that, as a student of history, I cannot think of a single instance in which assassination has produced anything good, no matter how evil or misguided the victim, nor how well-intentioned or malevolent the assassin.

From Brutus and the other republican Senators who slew Julius Caesar to Charlotte Corday, from John Wilkes Booth to Gavrilo Princip, and so onto Lee Harvey Oswald, Sirhan Sirhan and James Earl Ray, assassination seems inevitably to work against the purposes of its practicioners.

Those who slew Caesar did not save the Roman republic. Marat’s death only incited the Jacobins to greater terror. Booth’s pistol conjured up a spirit of vengeance against the South more terrible than war itself. Assassination is an act of nihilism. Whatever the motive of the crime, the horror it evokes always inspires a draconian response, and involves other consequences never intended by the criminal.

UPDATE II: Checking the major conservative blogs as of 3 p.m. EDT, Professor Glenn Reynolds seems not to have noticed this story yet. Nothing as yet from Michelle Malkin, either. Gateway Pundit is on it. Will check others. If anyone else is aggregating, please be sure to link here.

UPDATE III: More news reports from AP/Fox News.

Expect further updates . . .

May 9, 2009

Who killed Kwanzaa Diggs?

  • In June 2008, Washington, D.C., Judge Zoe Bush committed Kwanzaa Diggs to juvenile detention after Diggs was convicted of robbery.
  • By April 24, 2009, Diggs was back on the streets. Specifically, he was in the 900 block of Barnaby Street, SE. He had been shot multiple times, and two other teenage victims were also shot.
  • Kwanzaa Diggs died at age 17.

Colbert I. King has an excellent column today in The Washington Post about the Diggs shooting, part of a series of columns King has done about the failures of the D.C. juvenile justice system.

This is not only a failure of the D.C. city government, but also a failure of the media to ask the kinds of questions, and tell the kinds of stories, that King is asking and telling.

The shooting death of Kwanzaa Diggs merited a mere two sentences in a Washington Post crime round-up column. Meanwhile, the Washington Post devoted front-page treatment to the colonoscopy of a panda at the Washington Zoo.

Dear God, what has happened to journalism in America? Is it any wonder that people hate “the media” so much? Here you’ve got the case of a 17-year-old shot dead, two others wounded, a crime that indicates a systemic failure of local government, and the local paper is too busy covering pandas at the zoo?

John Kerry can’t fix this problem. Some editors need to be fired, and some reporters need to be reminded that their job is to cover the freaking news. When somebody gets shot to death, that’s news.

Am I the only journalist on the planet who’s ever seen Teacher’s Pet? Clark Gable plays a tough, cynical newspaper editor, and Doris Day plays a journalism professor. The Gable character disdains the professor’s lofty pretensions about the “civic duty” of a newspaper. The turning point of the story is where Gable takes a stabbing death and turns it into a really great human-interest story.

Murder is news. Rape, robbery and drug busts are also news. And guess what? Crime coverage, if done right, sells papers. If the Washington Post can’t be bothered to cover a shooting that leaves one teenager dead and two others wounded, what the hell is the point of publishing a newspaper?

Good cops-and-courts reporting used to be a staple of American journalism. Was such coverage sometimes lurid and sensationalist? Sure. But it sells newspapers. The problem is that too many people in our newsrooms for the past several decades have failed to understand that they’re in a business, the object of which is to sell the product and make a profit.

The pretentious Doris Day professor types have triumphed over the cynical Clark Gable types. We’ve got plenty of pundits to lecture us about “fine-grained local coverage,” but good luck getting a Harvard magna cum laude to go out and cover the freaking news.

The newspaper industry is dying, and Kwanzaa Diggs is still dead.

UPDATE: The Associated Press can’t be bothered with Kwanzaa Diggs and the collapse of the juvenile justice system in our nation’s capital. But the five-year anniversary of same-sex marriage in Massachusetts? 2,700 words!

UPDATE II: Moe Lane at Red State:

Honestly, I think that everybody involved would be happier if we just established once and for all that the Watergate scandal was a disaster for the newspaper industry; it encouraged an entire generation of reporters to go out there and try to change American society, instead of simply documenting it.

Nail on the head, Moe. All The President’s Men solidified this idea of journalism that “makes a difference” in the heads of a generation of journalists. It not only encouraged a lot of what is called “Pulitzer bait” — the five-part series — but it generally attracted to the business a lot of liberal do-gooders who thought of themselves as superior to their readers.

Last year, there was a certain news story that caused Ace of Spades to erupt in fury: “Stop telling me what to think!” (I wish I could find that post, because it was good.) Nobody wants to do the straight-ahead Joe Friday “just-the-facts-ma’am” news story, because there is no prestige in that kind of basic reporting.

It is no surprise, really, that the great scandals of American journalism — Stephen Glass in 1998 and Jayson Blair in 2003 — occurred about 30 years after Watergate, by which time the starry-eyed liberal do-gooders who entered the business in the 1970s had become editors and journalism professors.

UPDATE II: Welcome, Ed Driscoll readers!

April 22, 2009

Freddie Mac executive: Suicide?

Libertarian Republican blogger Eric Dondero says he’s getting bombarded with traffic after linking the story of the apparent suicide of Freddie Mac Chief Financial Officer David Kellermann:

David Kellermann, Acting Chief Financial Officer and Senior Vice President of Freddie Mac, was found dead this morning.
Fairfax County Police officials tell 9NEWS NOW they responded to his home around 5 a.m. after his wife alerted them to his apparent suicide.
Police say Kellermann, 41 years old, was found in the basement of the home.

UPDATE: Via Memeorandum, more news reports from Associated Press, the Washington Post and CBS News. BTW, please say a prayer for Mr. Kellerman’s family, who must not only deal with the loss of a loved one, but also will now find themselves at a center of a massive firestorm of media speculation.

Expect further updates . . .

April 11, 2009

Helpless against the hobo menace!

When Dan Riehl first told me about this, I couldn’t believe it:

Many more Marylanders would be eligible for hate crime protections under a bill gaining speed in the General Assembly.
The House of Delegates approved adding extra penalties Friday night for violent crimes against victims singled out because of age, gender, disability or because the person is homeless.
The statute already covers victims attacked because of race, religion, national origin or sexual orientation. (Emphasis added.)

Unilateral disarmament against vicious criminal hobos? Madness! Only one man can save us . . .

PREVIOUSLY:

April 7, 2009

The ‘logic’ of gun control

Cenk Uygur at Huffington Post:

How many shootings do there have to be in the news before we wonder about the wisdom of allowing just about anyone to get a gun in America? Our gun culture is completely out of control.

OK, let’s be clear that he’s talking about the Binghamton massacre (13 victims) and the nut who shot four cops (three fatally) in Pittsburgh. What do we know about these specific cases and the perpetrators? Here is a video about the Binghamton killer:

So the Vietnamese immigrant was angry about losing his job and upset that his unemployment checks were too small, and therefore shot a receptionist and 12 fellow immigrants. This makes no sense, and how he got the gun, I don’t know. Maybe the Vietnamese have got a “gun culture” problem we need to look into.

Now, let’s look at the Pittsburgh case, which Dave Neiwert blames on Glenn Beck, but which Cenk Uygur blames on an out-of-control “gun culture.” Unfortunately for Niewert and Uygur, the key witness in the case blames . . . the family dog:

On April 4, 2009 at approximately 7:03am, Allegheny County 911 dispatch received a call from complainant Margaret Poplawski for a domestic incident involving her son [suspect] Richard Poplawski, who she wanted out of the house because he was giving her a hard time. . . .
Complainant Margaret Poplawski reported that she awoke early on this date to discover that the dog had urinated on the floor inside her house at 1016 Fairfield Street, at which point she awakened her twenty-two-year-old son, [suspect] Richard Poplawski, to confront him about it. Mrs. Poplawski reported that she called 911 dispatch, and two uniformed police officers responded to her address at 1016 Fairfield Street a short time later, at which point she opened the front door of her residence and admitted them, saying “come and take his ass.”

Now, you can blame the dog. Or you can blame Mrs. Poplawski. Or you can blame Glenn Beck. Or you can blame a “gun culture.”

Me? I blame Richard Poplawski.

UPDATE: You know your argument is pathetic when it ends with “Max Blumenthal has more.”

April 4, 2009

Attention, police: Arrest Will Wilkinson!

No, not because he’s living in sin with the beauteous Kerry Howley (he is not worthy! ) but because he’s a scofflaw dopehead:

[T]he casual pleasure marijuana has delivered is orders of magnitude greater than the pain it has assuaged, and pleasure matters too. . . . That’s why tens of millions of Americans regularly take a puff, despite the misconceived laws meant to save us from our own wickedness. . . .
We’ll make real progress when solid, upstanding folk come out of the cannabis closet, heads held high.
So here we go. My name is Will Wilkinson. I smoke marijuana, and I like it.

(H/T: Donald Douglas.) Don’t get me wrong: Between 1974 and 1979, I smoked a substantial proportion of the gross domestic product of Panama, Columbia and Mexico. Not only did I smoke dope, I dealt dope in felonious quantities. I eventually saw the error of my wicked ways, married a nice churchgoing woman, and have lived happily ever after without the vicious devil weed.

The statute of limitations has long since expired on the crimes of my delinquent adolescence, and the only reason I never got busted back in the day is simple: I’m not as stupid as Will Wilkinson.

This explains why, despite my extensive personal history with the doobage, I support strict enforcement of our nation’s anti-marijuana laws. There’s a sort of Darwinian factor involved. Anybody stupid enough to get busted for dope is too stupid to be out on the streets, a category that obviously includes Will “Weedhead” Wilkinson.

His idiotic stunt — declaring himself a lawbreaker and urging others to do the same — reminds me of one of those stupid dopehead hypotheticals you hear in your college dorm room in the second semester of freshman year.

You’re in your 17th hour of a Risk game, you’ve just turned in a set of cards, counted out your armies and you’re getting ready to roll for Kamchatka when some stoned-out loser (who got eliminated 13 hours ago, but is still hanging around to watch and smoke your weed) begins a sentence: “Hey, man, wouldn’t it be cool if . . .”

Whatever make-believe scenario comes next is guaranteed to be a loser idea of spectacular stupidity. And that’s what Wilkinson’s idiocy reminds me of:

“Hey, man, wouldn’t it be cool if all the weedheads just came out and said, ‘I’m a weedhead’? Like, a massive kind of civil disobedience thing, y’know. Because, like, they couldn’t arrest us all, right?”

No, you loser, but I hope to God they arrest you, because you’re getting on my last nerve, and if you can’t shut the hell up while I’m trying to conquer Kamchatka, please go somewhere else and mooch somebody else’s dope.

America’s law-enforcement officials now have probable cause to ransack Wilkinson’s car and home, to frisk him and do a thorough body-cavity search, and I hope that the TSA will put his name on their list of known criminals, so that his rectum is rigorously inspected every time he goes through airport security. Frankly, I won’t be happy until Wilkinson is a fugitive from justice profiled on “America’s Most Wanted”:

Our next case involves a real scumbag, “Weedhead” Wilkinson. . . . He’s known to frequent locations where dope fiends play a board game they call “Risk.” So, if you know anything about where this vicious thug is hiding, make that call!

Why do I want Wilkinson put behind bars? Because he claims that it’s “libertarian” to legalize weed. This is so atavistically retarded I don’t even know where to begin explaining how wrong it is, but before I conquer Kamchatka, let me give you the capsule summary:

  • Marijuana becomes legal.
  • Marijuana merchants will be required to become licensed, inspected and regulated.
  • Marijuana will be taxed, to pay the salaries of the regulatory bureaucrats.
  • Major international corporations will get into the marijuana business.
  • Lobbyists for these corporations (“Big Weed”) will then seek legislation that disadvantages small-time dope dealers.
  • Small-time dope dealers who continue to pursue black-market profits will be busted for regulatory infractions or tax violations.
Legalizing weed would only empower Our Enemy, The State, while eliminating the opportunities for illegal entrepreneurship currently available to any clever teenager who can scrounge up the price of a quarter-pound. Wilkinson is like those one of those clueless gay-rights idiots who thinks the aficianados of sodomy were “oppressed” before Lawrence v. Texas. He has no respect for the old-fashioned common-sense logic that some things are so fun they ought to be against the law, and he is therefore a menace to civilization.

I’m printing out a copy of Wilkinson’s confession of criminality and putting in my jacket pocket so that the next time I see him at a cocktail-party reception in Washington, I’ll be ready. Just walk outside and dial 911: “I’ve spotted a notorious dope fiend. Better send the SWAT team right away.”

When the cops show up, I hand them the article (which helpfully includes Wilkinson’s photo) and remind them that Weedhead has also been known to talk about his so-called “Second Amendment rights,” so he should be considered armed and extremely dangerous. “You know how these drug addicts are with their guns. If I were you, officer, I’d shoot first and ask questions later.”

And now shut up, loser. Kamchatka, here I come!

UPDATE: Pundette asks, “Why is everyone talking about legalizing marijuana?” I dunno. Maybe because I just wiped out Kamchatka in three rolls.

UPDATE II: The Attila-Lanche!

Legalizing marijuana will not “empower the state,” except financially, which is fine: it’s legit to tax marijuana, just as it is to tax vodka or angel-food cake. What it will do is stop the rationale we are using to put a rather obscene number of nonviolent people in prison.

As I said to Victor in the comments, if you came here for a serious discussion of public policy, you’re obviously reading the wrong blog, or at least the wrong post. Nevertheless, Miss Attila, I’ll bite.

You have been bamboozled by the three-card monte hustler’s patter of liberals, who endlessly repeat that people busted for dope are being jailed for a “non-violent” offense. From which it is reasoned that these “non-violent” people are otherwise harmless and that there is no public benefit from locking them up. Don’t be such a chump.

The liberal argument deceives many nice middle-class people who’ve never watched “COPS.” But in my delinquent youth I hung out with a lot of people who were neither nice nor middle-class, which may explain why I get such a kick out of watching “COPS” and other real-life crime shows on TruTV. I know those dudes!

Cop pulls over a car driven by a loser with his loser girlfriend riding shotgun and two loser buddies in the backseat. The car had a tail-light out or expired tags or the driver failed to signal a lane change. Never mind, the point is the cops now have a legit excuse to hassle some losers.

Being that this is a carload of losers, odds are that at least two of the four people in the car are either on probation or wanted on warrants for “failure to appear” or delinquent child support or something. And there’s a pretty good chance that somebody in that car’s got some dope on him because — maybe you don’t notice this when you’re watching “COPS,” but police patrols are not entirely random — the Losermobile was pulled over in the kind of seedy low-rent area where dopeheads hang out.

The net result is that, because of the notoriously stupid dopehead habits of losers, at least one of these four losers is going to be cuffed and riding to the station in the back of a police cruiser.

Now, the social value of this scenario is what the nice middle-class person doesn’t really understand, but if you spent years hanging out with hoodlums, you’d get it. See, a loser gets away with a lot more crime than he ever gets prosecuted for. Things like breaking-and-entering, petty theft, vandalism, simple assault — stuff that has what the sociologists might call a negative quality-of-life impact on the community, but which goes undetected, is not seriously investigated or is hard to prove or whatever.

CSI: Loserville
Losers commit lots of crime like that, and they basically get off scot-free for most of it. Ah, but let the loser get caught with a quarter-ounce of weed or a couple of rocks of crack and here, at last, the cops have some hard evidence. No witnesses or CSI-type forensics needed. The car got pulled over, the loser got frisked, and this dope was found in his pocket. And since the loser was already on probation (for one of those rare occasions when his habitual criminality resulted in a conviction), this quarter-ounce of weed is going to put him back in prison for a few months, during which there will be one less loser running the streets.

The three-card monte dealers of liberalism are always finding that exceptional case — the Eagle Scout valedictorian doing hard time because he was at the wrong place at the wrong time with the wrong people and got busted for dope — and arguing that this exception invalidates the common-sense law-enforcement routine of busting losers.

“We need reform!” the liberals say, pointing to the Cornell honors graduate doing 18 months for a dope conviction. And if you only look at the cases that they cherry-pick for their examples, if you allow them to dazzle you with statistical mumbo-jumbo “research” they’ve ginned up, you might be so foolish as to fall for their “reform,” the net effect of which is always the same: Let’s make life easier for losers.

Well, excuse me, but no. Not just no, hell no. As I said earlier, there is a Darwinian factor involved. Not meaning to facilitate criminal wrongdoing here, but please allow me to explain something that is perhaps not obvious to the casual dopehead. When you’re dealing felony-weight quantities of dope, the scariest moment is always scoring the dope (because you’re dealing with some heavy people who aren’t entirely sure you’re not a narc or a ripoff) and then transporting it back to wherever you’re dealing it, your apartment or wherever.

That ride from the score to your crib, with enough dope in your vehicle to send you to prison for years, is always nerve-racking. And if you’ve done that ride a few times, you can never have any pity for the loser who is out on probation and stupid enough to be caught rolling along with a busted turn signal and a roach in the ashtray. Leave your dope at home, loser.

But they’re losers, so they get busted, and then some non-profit run by clueless liberal do-gooders comes out with “research” designed to make nice middle-class people feel sorry for the losers, and so there’s a panel discussion of “experts” in Washington where I’m sitting there with my notebook — a neutral, objective, professional journalist — and it is only through superhuman willpower that I can resist the temptation to jump up and scream:

You idiots! Show of hands — how many people here have ever possessed so much as a quarter-pound of weed, huh? OK, now how many of you have ever sold a full pound of weed? How many of you people have ever been charged with a felony? Since nobody’s raised their hand, please tell me what the hell makes you “experts” about any of this?

Liberals spend their careers making excuses for losers, which doesn’t help anyone, least of all the losers themselves. Real life, including no-nonsense law enforcement unimpeded by by idiot liberal “reforms,” will eventually confront the loser with a choice: Get your act together and stop hanging out with losers, or resign yourself to permanent loserdom.

How petty criminals hit the big time

Liberals enable losers, but they seldom pay enough attention to the cops-and-courts beat to grasp the real-life consequences of their policies. Over and over, those who commit heinous atrocities are revealed to be ordinary petty criminals who were allowed to walk free once too often.

Read Chapter 7 of Donkey Cons, and you’ll encounter the story of Joseph P. Smith. A habitual offender, mostly for drug offenses, he tested positive for cocaine while on probation in October 2003, and his case came before Florida Circuit Court Judge Harry Rapkin on Dec. 30, 2003. Judge Rapkin let him walk.

Barely a month later, on Jan. 31, 2004, a surveillance video camera at a carwash in Sarasota, Fla., recorded the scene as 11-year-old Carlie Bruscia was abducted by a man with tattoos on his forearms. On Feb. 3, police arrested the man on the video, 37-year-old Joseph P. Smith. His sixth-grade victim had been raped and murdered and, loser that he was, Smith refused even to tell police where the girl’s body was. Her body wasn’t found until three days later.

If I were the kind of “expert” with graduate degrees who could get hired as a “research fellow” by some swanky big-deal non-profit think tank, I might take the time to tell you dozens of stories like that. Charles Manson? Lifelong petty criminal who got turned loose once too often. Matthew Shepard? Murdered by a couple of petty-criminal dopehead losers. Columbine mass-murderer Eric Harris? Middle-class juvenile delinquent.

Famous cases like that are just top-of-the-head examples, the tip of a veritable iceberg of heinous crimes committed by small-time losers who finally made the big time. But I’m not a “research fellow,” just a blogger shaking the tip jar, and I’ve got another for-pay freelance project I’m actually supposed to be working on right now.

However, I know a helluva lot more about real life than some of these “experts” do. As the late Lewis Grizzard sagely observed, You can’t put no boogie-woogie on the King of Rock ‘n’ Roll.

Which is why I’m not going to have any pity for Will Wilkinson when he’s undergoing a body-cavity search at the airport.
March 27, 2009

Paris Hilton explains nightclub brawl: ‘He was so unbelievably rude’

They called the cops to Miami’s Fountainbleu Hotel after a fight involving Paris Hilton’s bodyguard and boyfriend. Paris’s explanation? In two words, “Techno sucks“:

I’ve been getting a lot of calls and emails regarding these subjects I’m about to discuss. First of all, last night at a club my boyfriend and I were assaulted for no reason at all.
The DJ (I don’t even know his name cause he sucks so bad) was playing the worst music ever! I like certain techno music, but this was not even danceable and was frankly giving me a migraine.
I asked one of my friends who runs the hotel if he could change the music and he said. “I’ll lead you up to the DJ booth tell him and he’ll play whatever you want.”
So he walked Doug and I over there. I asked the DJ if he could please play Daft Punk or Bob Sinclair and he rudely snapped at me and was like ‘I only play this kind of music.”
I think he was jealous cause Bob Sinclair is a far better DJ then this guy by about a million times. He was so unbelievably rude and all because I asked to play one good song.
Then out of nowhere his bodyguard (don’t ask me why he has a bodyguard, like he really needs one. Ha) pushed me really hard, that’s when my boyfriend, like my knight in shining armor, stepped in and told the guy to keep his hands off of me. Then all hell broke loose, it was like something out of a fight movie, it was so frightening. . . .

Well, that so totally makes sense, right?

UPDATE: I used to do this all the time, but haven’t done it since December, so . . .

CELEBRITY NEWS UPDATE!
Yes, once again, dear readers, it is time to wade into the shallow world of the glitterati, where everything is fake, except the snark, which is frighteningly real:
March 27, 2009

Your ‘right’ to get nude in nightclubs

I’m sure this is what George Mason had in mind:

A popular Colorado Springs nightclub that was punished by the city’s liquor board with a 10-day suspension of its liquor license after several women exposed their breasts during a rowdy “Girls Gone Wild” filming is appealing the decision.
An attorney representing the owners of 13 Pure, 217 E. Pikes Peak Ave., said women flashing their breasts is protected by the First Amendment.
“It’s our position that it’s constitutionally protected conduct,” Denver-based attorney Mike Gross said Thursday.
But prosecuting attorney Scott Patlin said the nightclub violated local and state laws.

See, this is just like “gay rights.” If I happen to be in a nightclub and the girls start taking off their clothes — which is strictly a hypothetical scenario, you understand — I’m not going to file a complaint with the City Liquor Board. On the other hand, don’t tell me it’s your “right.”

This is another one of those phony liberal “rights” you don’t actually have. Liberals peddle phony “rights” because it’s a way of convincing people they’re being victimized and oppressed by The Man. The intended message here is: “Vote Democrat, or else those evil Republicans will force you to keep your clothes on in a nightclub.”

You’re not stupid enough to believe that, are you? Now, you’re probably wondering: What about the “right” to get nekkid as a jaybird to protest taxes? That’s different. Ever hear of “civil disobedience”?

(H/T: Hot Air, the coolest blog evah.)

UPDATE: I’ve got a few minutes here before a blogger conference call, so why don’t I refer you to my story about Judge Roy Moore and Ex Parte HH. People want to imply that, just because you disagree with someone about their “rights,” it means you don’t like them. Can anyone credibly accuse me of hating hotties? Am I “anti-breast”? You people need to wake up and smell the indoctrination. You’ve been brainwashed and haven’t even been through the “rinse” cycle yet. HTTJYUB.

UPDATE II: Hey, how about a teacher’s “right” to have sex with her teenage student?

UPDATE III: Linked by Doug Mataconis, with whom I have a dialogue in the comments.

UPDATE IV: Dave C. e-mails to say the back-and-forth in the comments reminds him of this joke:

Three married men were talking about their sex lives during coffee. The first man — the newlywed of the bunch — said, “It’s been good. No complaints here. My wife and I have sex three to four times a week.”
The second man — at the seven year mark — gloomily mumbled, “Once or twice a month. If I’m lucky.”
The last man — who has been married the longest — was bouncing off his seat when he said, “Once a year!”
The other two men looked at him in astonishment.
“Why are you so excited then?” one of them asked.
“Because tonight’s the night!”

Yeah. But I’ve dug my grave so deep now, I’m going to stop digging before I get to China.