Archive for ‘Rule 5’

August 9, 2009

Rule 5 Sunday

by Smitty

Rule 5 Sunday is upon us. We kick it back, set aside the nail-biting anxiety about, well, everything political, and find refreshment in the contemplation of beauty.

  • Three Beers Later brings crucial travel reporting from Bermuda, featuring Laetitia Casta. He also posted a fine YouTube video of a burlesque song that’s quite well done.
  • The WyBlog features Jets Cheerleaders. Should I reveal my quixotic fancy for the Seahawks? Probably not.
  • Captain Elias has some Dollhouse and Battlestar Galactica content that helps the balance of this post. Thanks!
  • The Patriot Room has more kiwi in the buff for your review. We’ve had the safety ad on here at some point in the past, but the commercial is new to us.
  • The Daley Gator has Reese Witherspoon and Michelle Malkin.
  • Pat in Shreveport with some Chuck Norris for ya. That’s the facts.
  • Miss Cellania has a ‘Heh’ graphic on turkeys, or something.
  • Troglopundit brings a Megan Fox fix for flacks. He’s also shameless in his foreign political
    babe
    blogging. Admittedly a niche market, but he plies it well. He’s also a birthday
    fetishist
    , it appears.
  • Now, it wouldn’t be nice to pick on Dustbury for finally catching up with Debbie
    Gibson
    . But let’s just say he puts the ‘medium’ in ‘medium pace’.

OK, I was about to embed the Adam Sandler track ‘At a Medium Pace’. Hadn’t heard it in upwards of ten years. Got halfway through it and realized that, like Sacha Baron Cohen, there is too much ‘yuck’ to wade through to get to the humor.
Alison Krause, on the other hand, qualifies as Rule 5, as well as being something to throw on for your lefty friends whose heads ‘splode at the thought of anything that doesn’t celebrate societal decay.

  • Bob Belvedere celebrates Summer with Elke Sommer.
  • Fishersville Mike suggests Whitney Duncan, who sports a guitar like she knows what to do therewith.
  • That methodical fellow Morgan Freeberg looks like he’s applying alphabetic iteration to the bikini, starting with A and B. This promises to be an important study.
  • Now, Jeffords at the Eye of Polyphemus needs some counseling. I don’t want
    anybody following this link to get the impression that this blog approves of the
    growing scourge of xenophilia. Kids these days. But, if you scroll down, you’ll see a survey of ladies who subscribe to other ideas about which we remain skeptical.
  • Purveyor of classic Rule 5-ery, Paco, contributes Marilyn Maxwell.
  • Nation of Cowards, thankfully, holds the Holder, but does offer a heartwarming brace of damsels wrapped in the flag.
  • The Classic Liberal provides a meditation on blond.
  • Hope you caught Gateway Pundit’s St. Louis roundup, featuring Rule 5 and a small mountain of courage. Kenneth Gladney, you are the man.

So, that’s your Rule 5 Roundup. Send more cheesecake and healthy fun to Smitty.

UPDATE:
Rightofcourse is spot on that I missed the Molly Ringwald post. I blame Dick Cheney.

August 9, 2009

Follow-on Mound-o’-links Just Roars Ahead

by Smitty

Thanks to everyone for the indulgence on the FMJRA pause last Saturday. Now we can catch up on the previous week’s anchor tag festivities. Griffaquiddick really dominates the links, as it did the week. If it wasn’t so pathetically stupid, one could wish for similar stories at higher frequency.

…from the POMPETUS of love

  • Right of course had excellent thoughts on the BHO Joker controversy.

Blogger Advice

  • Lonely Conservative liked the advice given to trollish commenters. OK, I had approved the post. My line is drawn in a different location than RSM’s.

Snitches Be We

  • Grandpa John tosses a rack of bloggers under the bus using a horseshoe throw thought forgotten lost with the Coolidge administration. Reach-around, indeed.

Vice President Biden

  • Troglopundit thinks that this is a deterrent against asking timeline questions about BHO. This democracy is an experiment, no? I’m ready to try the Jester, instead of the Joker.
  • The Nashville Post liked the birther summary.

IG-Gate

  • Pat in Shreveport posts a review of the Walpin case, and also laments that there isn’t any media, or Congressional for that matter, interest in IG-Gate.
  • Instapundit notices the connection between Dodd and IG-Gate. And it’s not that both are, sadly, cancer-riddled.
  • The Camp of the Saints continues to be the definitive index to the scandal.

Libertarians as GOP bitches

  • Knappster takes Stacy to task for his analysis of the meaning of a six-ballot Barr nomination in 2008. I’ll let better looking people than me critique the analysis. My preferred argument is the straight, simple, classical federalist one. You realize that we have 50 different opportunities to be as libertarian, socialist or moderate as we want to, once the Federal vampire is de-fanged. There really isn’t a need to argue any viewpoint to conclusion at the Federal level: just make sure that the stake stays stuck in the vampire’s heart. OK, Stacy has responded.

Miscellaneous Shouts

  • Mark Thompson of the Ordinary Gentlemen considered the seatbelt law question, linking humans aren’t numbers post. Good post, but could be expanded into a general consideration of the Progressive agenda, in my opinion.
  • Caffeinated Thoughts makes a crucial point:

    To those of us who blog there’s a lesson here whether we are conservative, liberal or someplace in between… we can’t just write whatever we want and make up stuff and not expect to reap consequences. It is easy to hide behind anonymity and throw rocks.

    I’ll pile on and add that it’s not too hard to make a stand in favor of a position in a positive way. Give reasonable space to legitimate counter-arguments. Then attack the opposition with dispassionate questions.

  • Paul at the Home Security Blog rounds up blogadvice, giving appropriate position to Stacy.
  • Jesse Hathaway puts up an excellent post concerning the New Black Panther case dismissal. He linked us, as if daring me to include him in the roundup. I take that dare.
  • Adrienne’s Catholic Corner honors Mrs. The Other McCain (who is a wonderful lady, I can say, having met her) after a refreshing photo tour of her garden. If you need a flower break, go to the arboretum, or this post.
  • The Reaganite Republican Resistance liked and linked the Cash for Clunkers post.
  • Bob Belvedere like Brooks bashing, but is lukewarmer(?) than my lukewarm willingness to consider Mitt Romney. And then there is the DK/Rush connection. May need to get together with this guy for a beverage.

The Main Event: Griffaquiddick

  • The fabulous Pamela at Atlas Shrugs picked up on us.
  • Doug at Sondra K wonders aloud how lame you have to be…
  • The Rhetorican picked it up.
  • Al-Wa7a had a lengthy roundup, but little evidence of their origin.
  • Another Black Conservative followed the story, providing an Epic Fail summary, and opined:

    I find it very odd that his supporters seem unbothered by his comments. If you go to the Immoral Minority and read through the comments, no one seems alarmed or creped out by any of his statements. So myopic are they with their Palin hatred, that they readily accept all these disturbing things. It says a lot about the state of politics on the far left.

  • Jimmie invokes the classic adage about discovering you’re in a hole, and halting the digging.

This blog will now seek to squelch the rumor that Griffin once fronted the punk outfit The U-Men, and was merely carrying out the mission in their nihilist classic “Dig it a Hole”:

In any case, it makes an appropriate theme song for Griffaquiddick.

  • Caffinated Thoughts links to Megyn Kelly discussing Griffaquiddick on O’Reilly. I know, MK is pure Rule 5 by definition, but we’re focusing on the legal content here.
  • The Rude News tried to help Griffin, after a fashion:

    Naming the post “Kicking Some Teeth In” in no way endorses violence against losers, wussies, cowards or even decent human beings. It’s just my way of offering Griffin another shelter should he no longer be able to hide behind school children.

    I confess to missing the logic behind this, and request clarification.

  • Chad at the KURU Lounge was unimpressed by the specifics of the problem. The two points he seems to miss are the children at risk to a creepy character, and the fact that this is a shot o’er the bow to all of the clowns who helped drive Sarah out of office in the first place. If you take away those two factors, Chad, sure, the thing becomes a local matter that the POTUS might term ‘stupid’.
  • Pumas for Palin suggests Sarah stay silent about the divorce rumor. Good analysis, which she appears to be following. And with the dynamic duo of Riehl and McCain demonstrating the difference between a legitimate journalistic inquiry and a Joe-the-Plumber-esque character assassination, what more need be done?
  • Liberalsmash included Griffaquiddick in a roundup.
  • BelchSpeak emitted a cloud. Which recalls a sausage pizza and a can of ginger ale and a story that, in the name of decency, I shan’t continue.
  • Political By Line, the bearer of the big guns, thinks that boy bit off waaay more than he can chew.
  • Cassandra weighed in, generating an absurd rumor of her own.
  • The Rhetorican noted that Griffaquiddick has provided a new Griffin gate, or sorts.
  • Irons in the Fire took notice.
  • We had the honor of making Melissa Clouthier’s podcast.
  • The Ruby Slippers Blog clicked its heels.
  • Moe Lane noted that the renegade hockey mom quote is apparently real.
  • The Daley Gator quoted us.
  • Thomas Lamb notes Griffin’s affinity for ‘bitchy‘.
  • Fullosseous Flap had a roundup, including a Facebook screencap.
  • Jimmie mocks the magic of multiple sources.
  • Carolyn Tackett: “Excuse me if my heart doesn’t break for poor little Jesse“.
  • Rhetorican focused on some legal aspects.
  • Rightofcourse linked the divorce quote in a roundup.
  • Libertarian Republican complements Stacy.
  • Backyard Conservative picked up on the multiple sources angle.
  • Eric Florack over at Pajamas Media: liberal bloggers crash and burn.
  • Joe at NOVA Town Hall: “Sarah Kicks Liberal Ass Just By Walking The Earth”.
  • The Confluence noted the tabliod blogging.
  • Blatherings echoed the now-famous quote from the renegade hockey mom.
  • Wake Up America was tracking the story.
  • The Faithful Progressive linked us.
  • Paco linked us faithfully.
  • Kim Priestap linked us, too.
  • Wizbang digs us.
  • The Ruby Slippers Blog likes them some debunkin’.
  • Jimmie makes the depressing observation that a divorce would have been a Christmas present in lefty land.
  • Tigerhawk links us. And we should link TH more.
  • Texas 4 Palin links, and throws in some Monty Python for good justice.

That more or less catches us up. Send your cheers and jeers to Smitty. Pray for peace, keep the powder dry, and hit the tip jar.

August 8, 2009

Fortnightly Mama Jamma Rinky-dinky-linky hAmma

by Smitty

Last weekend I fell short of being able to attend a wedding, keep up with my online course, do my weekend warrior thing, and squeeze in an FMJRA post. When sanity and the law limit your stimulants to caffeine, that’s what happens.
So we’ll have a double browser-buster post this time, split in two parts, and get this porch cleared of debris. They say when the refrigerator count gets above three, you might be lookin’ trashy.
These links should have been last Saturday’s post, but cherish them nonetheless.

Richmond Tea Party
Stacy continued his illustrious string of Tea Party speeches in Richmond. He’s careful to schedule them when I’m unavoidably detained. I think he fears heckling.

  • PAWatercooler posts a shot of RSM hitting a high note. Whether he was referring to himself as “Darlin'” or “Mac the Knife” at that moment is hard to discern from the photo.
  • The mighty Instapundit noticed this humble blog’s presence at the Richmond Tea Party.
  • United Conservatives linked the Richmod Tea Party report.
  • Jimmie noted the Richmond Excursion, but seemed challenged to link the Pink Elephant Pundit. What Jimmie was up to that gave him all of this trouble with pink elephants, one cannot say. By the way, what’s that potent liquid in the canning jar on the back shelf behind the register at the Sundries Shack?

IG-Gate

  • Moe Lane on IG-Gate:

    [Stacy McCain’s] not particularly impressed with the willingness of Democrats to ignore the implications – and really, neither am I; but I don’t think that either of us are particularly surprised, either. The more that one looks into this, the more hidden minefields there are in the form of entrenched Democratic party interests. You have to expect that their lower-level staffers and officials are not particularly willing to screw their courage to the sticking point on this one…

    I’ll opine that as the Chicago Tumor grows and threatens to metastasize, this probably becomes a handy tool. They keep piling up facts at a low frequency, and, if it becomes expedient, they can probably make it grounds for impeachment. Which doesn’t say much for the 111th Congress’s committment to integrity as such, but we are talking about Congress. We certainly have the bozos for whom We The People voted.

Sadly, there is no YouTube of Knofpler doing “Punish the Monkey” off of “Kill to Get Crimson”, but we do have someone doing a nice job of showing off the guitar part while it plays. I nominate this track as the IG-Gate Theme Song.

Clunkers
Stacy’s title alluded to the classic Dire Straits cut, of course. Let’s just admit it: Knopfler jams.

Maxine Walters

  • Jimmie was equally dumbfounded at Maxine Walters on The Hill’s beauty roundup.
  • The PA Watercooler called for response to the RSM “Pittsburgh Bridge Trolls” taunt
  • Another Black Conservative gives a thumbs down for Maxine Walters.

Abstract Quaffin’

  • Jimmie picked up on the choice of Hunter S. Thompson for a strictly hypothetical beverage.
  • Political By Line, whose Iowa-class battleship masthead really turns my screws, quoted the ‘exit criteria‘ question this blog posed on Gates-aquiddick.
  • Carol linked us in a thorough review of the story, in case anyone was totally asleep on the point.

Health Care Prevention Act

  • Poli-Tea party quotes Stacy on health care reform: “Every Republican vote for such legislation is a nail in the coffin of the GOP…Kill the bill!” Remember, boys and girls, this legislation is a zombie, and the prescription for zombies is shotgun shells, not fire.
  • Right of Course enjoyed the meditation on Romney and Federalism.
  • The Associated Press check called it a “real conservative perspective“. The Porch Manqué lives for this sort of feedback.
  • Jimmie rogers up for supporting Romney, if he’s got any Federalist thoughts under that immaculate hair.
  • Another Black Conservative plays the Nancy Reagan card on Obamacare.

While I’m theme-songing scandals and legislation, here is one for the Longevity Abatement Act (credit to Paco, AFAIK, for that wonderful moniker):

Malignant Narcissim has a cool story behind it. The female soundbite is from Team America: World Police “Usually a case of malignant narcissism brought on during childhood”
I can understand people not enjoying Geddy’s tenor vocals on Rush. But Stacy came up with some cheesy excuse about not liking Rush due to a low blues content. Whatever, man. Readers are encouraged to heap abuse upon Stacy concerning this specific point of silliness.

Economy–Should We Opt For One That Doesn’t Suck?

  • Dr. Melissa links a Paul Krugman link while wondering aloud about the recession. I predict that the economic amphetamines wear off after Labor Day, and more dope doesn’t help the addict. But that’s a common sense prediction, not a doctor’s prescription.
  • Joel Pavelski links the economic confusion post in the midst of a broader roundup.

Miscellaneous Shouts

  • Obi’s Sister had a roundup asking How Bad is Bad? One is at a loss to figure out how this blog could possibly find itself profiled in such a lineup.
  • Troglopundit hat tips us most graciously for generatl good humor.
  • Jimmie had a qualilty meditation about Dan Rather, in contrast to old-school types like Stacy.
  • Right View from the Left Coast liked the Dead Kennedys link in the Gatesaquiddick fiasco.
  • A shout to Cassandra, and she knows why.
  • Made a roundup at Carolyn Tackett’s Closet for the post I Must Be An Idiot. See, Mr. President, what a forthright approach can get you?
  • Rhetorican and I took turns linking each other on a Ben Stein piece.
  • The Knappster links us on the Million Hits topic in suitably shameless fashion, offering a couple of other interesting thoughts.

Stay tuned to this blog, as I’ve another emacs buffer of links to go through from the last week. You readers are wonderful, and make these compilations quite an HTML party.

August 2, 2009

Rule 5 Sunday

by Smitty

Rule 5 Sunday is upon us. And who would happen to be here to kick it off with a wonder discussion of ladies getting lovlier but the PJTV Trifecta.
Even though Stacy and I have been going over the entire concept of simple, positive appreciating of lovliness for a while now, these guys, Scott Ott in particular, lay down a wonderful lesson in just a few minutes that should be lost on none of us.

  • VodkaPundit introduced the Trifecta clip mentioned above with an Angelina Jolie pic.
  • Anorak is reporting that Jude Law is to become a father again by Samantha Burke. On a significant day. The question is whether this baby will be named “Stacy” upon arrival.
  • Three Beers Later has a couple of Swedish Bikini Team pics. The latter has not so much bikini and is NSFW in more respectable locations.
  • Paco, head of the Classical Rule 5 Research Department, contributes Virginia O’Brien. Ah, squids in dress whites. I have a few pictures of my own to get scanned.
  • The Classic Liberal provides an overview of the whole BikiniFest.
  • Rightofcourse heckles the judge for the premature ejaannouncement of the winner. Officially, I had to be in Chicago for a classmate’s wedding. And Jeffords had guessed the Cosmic Winner. And we needed to build up posts for Sunday. Do I get understanding? No, I get nothing but a bitch. *sigh*
  • The Camp of the Saints goes retro, as is his wont, with a Natalie Wood roundup. And then, showing Rightofcourse the proper way to heckle the judge, lays down a Raquel Welch roundup with which one cannot argue. “The Greatest Lady ever to don a bikini…” I could plead brunettes to redheads, pressing my Phoebe Cates claim, but the point here is that there just isn’t a need to argue.

Here endeth the lesson.
Tomorrow, one hopes to return to the the FMJRA post that has been tragically delayed. But when you consider the heroic act of pity upon my friend J that was carried out in Chicago late Friday afternoon, you have to see that some things like marrying off an old buddy are worth delaying an FMJRA post.
Send more tasteful links to Smitty, if you’d be so kind.

July 29, 2009

Nine Days in July: Nuclear Diplomacyin the Conservative Blogosphere

While I was trying to get ready to make a reporting trip to D.C. today, I made the mistake of checking my e-mail, thereby discovering to my horror that Donald Douglas has somehow pushed things to a full-blown DefCon2 alert.

The details are irrelevant, to those unaware and uninvolved. With all the humor I could muster, I’ve tried to broker peace. Now, however, the pilots have been scrambled, the jets are fueled and fully armed, and if a stand-down order is not issued soon, I cannot be responsible for the thermonuclear consequences. What I wrote in the comments at Cassandra’s is, I hope, all that remains to be said:

This entire “Erin Andrews nude” episode is like one of those wacky hypotheticals that a college sophomore proposes in a dorm-room debate, after about the third or fourth bong hit: A bizarre or possibly even nightmarish scenario that is amusing to contemplate simply because it’s never going to happen.
Except this time, it actually did.
As I’ve said offline, this is one of those things that bloggers discuss over beers for years to come. If blogger-over-beer were the Oxford Union, the debate proposition would sometimes have to be: “Resolved: Whiskey Tango Foxtrot?”

It appears Erin Andrews was Archduke Franz Ferdinand and Professor Douglas was Gavrilo Princip. There may yet be peace, but we stand on the brink of Armaggedon.

July 27, 2009

‘That’s Just the Rule 5 Way It Is!’

Little Miss Attila encounters the original inspiration for the Paul Anka Integrity Kick:

Seeing that was like watching The Rocky Horror Picture Show for the first time . . .

Indeed, and with Goldsteinesque appreciation for intentionality, I feel obligated to provide some (unfortunately necessary) clarification on the origins and purpose of Rule 5.

Donald Douglas is a good guy, and the blogospheric round-robin consensus that he pushed the rule beyond its reasonable limit does not diminish his good-guy status. One of the things about “edgy” humor is that you never know where the edge actually is until you’ve gone over it. Certainly, I cannot cast the first stone.

‘Pork Marlene Desmond?’
The sociological purpose of an inside joke is as a signifier of membership, an acknowledgment of shared experience. When I was at the Rome News-Tribune, there was a group of us guys in the newsroom who were all fans of Animal House and Blazing Saddles.

So when special-projects editor Pierre Rene-Noth issued an editorial memo to the newsroom, business editor John Willis would say, “Now what’ll that a**hole think of next?” To which the only response was, “Somebody’s gotta go back and get a s***load of dimes!”

Or, if you drew one of those short-straw assignments, city editor Mike Colombo would say, “You f***ed up — you trusted us!” Such a reference might lead to an extended riff-fest: “Will that work?” “Hey, it’s gotta work better than the truth.”

The whole point of this silly riffing was to humorously reassure each other that we were all sharing the same miserable fate (“Mongo only pawn in game of life.”) and thus maintain some some semblance of esprit d’corps among the wretches pulling the oars on this galley.

After I moved to Washington, I was mortified to discover that, in the newsroom of The Washington Times, the appropriate signifiers on the national desk were Caddyshack and Seinfeld, so that (a) I didn’t always get their in-jokes, and (b) my own accustomed in-jokes did not elicit the appropriate chuckles of recognition.

To make matters worse, over the course of the next decade, turnover in the staff meant that we increasingly had younger staffers for whom all such references were as opaque as the Dead Sea Scrolls. (On the upside, however, your average 20-something’s shortage of cultural referents means an old guy can recycle ancient vaudeville gags and be considered inventively witty: “If I could walk that way, I wouldn’t need the talcum powder!”)

Pirate’s Cove and the Zero Hour
As I’ve explained before, but perhaps should explain again, the credit (or blame) for inspiring Rule 5 is split three ways:

  • A back-and-forth Christina Hendricks riff with Stephen Green of VodkaPundit in the gloomy weeks following the 2008 election, when political blog traffic plummeted precipitously.
  • Five days a week, Conservative Grapevine includes links to bikini babes at the end of its news aggregation and — as John Hawkins has pointed out — the bikini links consistently get more clicks than all the rest.
  • Every Sunday, William Teach at Pirate’s Cove does Sorta Blogless Sunday Pinup, an aggregation post featuring classic pinup art.

Back in the day — and remember, my first month of full-time blogging here (March 2008) I had a grand total of 6,000 visitors — involved repeated encounters with that awful moment experienced by every newbie blogger, The Zero Hour: You toil into the night to create what you think is the most brilliant post ever, e-mail the link to several bloggers (Rule 1), go to bed, wake up at 5 a.m., log on expecting your SiteMeter to be spiking off the charts and . . . nothing. Your most recent hourly traffic was a big, fat zero.

OK, you could buy a “secrets of blogging” book (Secret Tip No. 1: Be A Cute Chick) or sign up for a class on how to enhance your blog traffic. Or you could stick your head in the oven and end it all.

If neither of those options is appealing, however, there’s the DIY method: Obsessively study the craft, apply what you learn, and resourcefully bootstrap your own trial-and-error solution to the ubiquitous blogger problem of traffic suckage.

Also, listen to your wife. After about my third or fourth Instalanche, my wife said, “Let me guess: Was it one of your smart-ass comments?” Well . . . yeah, it was. My wife said, “See? You should be funny. You’re good at that.”

At any rate, there were some Sundays in the early going when, if it hadn’t been for inclusion in the Pirate’s Cove aggregation, I wouldn’t have had 100 visits for the whole day. So when it came time to celebrate our first million hits, to have omitted Rule 5 would have been an act of negligence and ingratitude. You’ve got to give something back, see?

‘Land-Snatching . . . See: Snatch’

Hedley Lamarr: My mind is a raging torrent, flooded with rivulets of thought cascading into a waterfall of creative alternatives.
Taggart: Golldarn it, Mr. Lamarr, you use your tongue prettier than a $20 whore.

And so we behold Donald Douglas and the “Erin Andrews nude” Google-bomb, still pounding it as relentlessly as Andrew Sullivan in the back row of the cineplex during a Patrick Swayze film festival.

When we crossed the 2 million threshold, I used the occasion to suggest that maybe it was time to “step away from the peephole,” but Donald keeps milking it like Andrew Sul . . . Never mind. Supply your own disturbing mental image. I refuse to take responsibility for the emergency brain-bleach shortage that would result if I completed that sentence.

My point is that now Cassandra of Villainous Company is becoming so offended, she’s threatening to remove her sexy garter-flashing pinup art — and we can’t let that happen. Like some sort of well-intentioned mad scientist, I’ve created a monster (Frankencheesecake?) and now the villagers are storming the castle with pitchforks and torches.

What’s weird is that Professor Douglas is now able to provide Erin Andrews nude citations from the Hartford Courant and Howard Kurtz. It’s one of those viral memes that is unlikely to stop spreading anywhere this side of the Wall Street Journal or the Christian Science Monitor.

How can we lure Donald out of the swirling vortex — a torrent, one might say — of Erin Andrews nude?

‘We Have to Go All Out’

Otter: I think that this situation absolutely requires a really futile and stupid gesture be done on somebody’s part.
Bluto: And we’re just the guys to do it.

Fighting fire with fire, and inspired by the success of National Offend A Feminist Week, I hereby declare July 27-Aug. 2 to be International Rule 5 BikiniFest Week. (Smitty: “Now what’ll that a**hole think of next?”)

We’ll have a daily contest, recognizing the best of each day’s entries, and culminate next Sunday by awarding the 2009 Rule 5 BikiniFest Week Grand Prize. Here are the rules:

  • PG-13. You’ll be disqualified for prizes if you go too far, so use your best judgment, guys. Generally speaking, anything more revealing than the sexy bikini picture of Mrs. Other McCain risks disqualification. Smitty will be the final arbiter of this rule, although I may be available for consultation on particularly difficult cases.
  • Bikinis preferred, but not mandatory. Glamour/lingerie photos will also be considered. Mrs. Other McCain has never minded me looking at the Victoria’s Secret catalog, so long as I buy her something nice and lacy for Christmas. However, keep in mind the “PG-13” rule. Of the 15 photos in this Miranda Kerr Victoria’s Secret pictorial, the three topless photos would probably risk disqualification. However, Smitty is the final arbiter.
  • Sorry, ladies: No beefcake. Given that the whole point of this exercise is to tempt Professor Douglas away from his traffic-hungry Erin Andrews frenzy, photos of studly bare-chested macho dudes (NTTAWWT) will be ineligible for prizes, although Smitty may decide to link those posts anyway.
  • No minors. Anyone posting bikini photos of Miley Cyrus or Selena Gomez will be immediately disqualified. Ex-jailbait princesses — Britney Spears, Lindsay Lohan, etc. — are eligible, but only if the photos were indisputably taken after the subjects turned 18, you sick freak, you.
  • No Erin Andrews. Speaking of sick freaks, whoever drilled that peephole and recorded that video needs to be strung up by his scrotum and repeatedly cattle-prodded where it hurts the most. No criminal voyeurism, no bondage, no whips, no chains, no handcuffs, dog-collars or nipple-clips — do we need to go ahead and specifically rule out bestiality and necrophilia, or is the general idea clear? We want healthy, wholesome cheesecake of the kind that any red-blooded truck mechanic would be pleased to see rendered as art in a Gil Elvgren classic pinup calendar. Again, Smitty is the final arbiter.

So there you have it: Thanks to Dr. Douglas and this disgusting peephole video, bloggers now have a perfect excuse to post babelicious bikini pics every day of the week. Just post the babes and e-mail your links to Smitty. In addition to reciprocal linkage, winners will be eligible for the the prize of one beer, if you should ever happen to catch me in a bar with money in my pocket — and good luck with that.

Will this crazy scheme work? If it doesn’t, we may have to send SWAT units and the hostage negotiation team to try to talk Dr. Douglas away from Erin Andrews nude.

The amazing coincidence here is that International Rule 5 BikiniFest Week just happens to occur during the nadir of the mid-summer doldrums, when our blog traffic would otherwise suck worse than Andrew Sul . . . oh, you don’t really expect me to finish that sentence, do you? Hit the tip jar, or I just might, and in such a way that you’ll never get enough brain-bleach to erase that mental image.

July 26, 2009

Rule 5 Sunday

by Smitty

Rule 5 Sunday returns, injured, but intact. There has been a Google Bomb explosion, and it has made a casualty of one participant. We renew our commitment to good times, and cheery cheesecake that is fun, positive, tasteful, and, above all, not subject to legal action.

  • The WyBlog challenges my memory. I’ve seen S. Wright live a couple times. While hilarious, I don’t recall Wright as cute. The other day I…no, that wasn’t me. And then he includes the classic Blotto track, “I Wanna Be A Lifeguard” pursuant to his beach vacation.
  • Fishersville Mike pushes the envelope on Rule 5 with the Lady of the Sea.
  • Bob’s Bar ‘n’ Grill retains a commitment to incorrigibility.
  • Paco submits a classic Matha Tilton clip, but more formally points to Rita Hayworth.
  • Deuce at the Skepticrats links Christina Hendricks in a Rule 5’2″ bombshell sort of way.
  • Troglopundit, international man of babe curiousity, has some Ukranian and German examples.
  • The ladies aren’t contributing like they used to, but here is Miss Celania with a fun pic about men.
  • Jeffords sets up a Rule 5 duel between Scarlett Johanson and Gwyneth Paltrow.
  • The Classic Liberal suggests Kristanna Loken.
  • Three Beers Later has a Beach Souveniers post, and some Natalie Wood as well. We’re going to need a full surf rock moment after that first cip.

That’s your Rule 5 roundup. Send your links to Smitty. More contributions from the ladies sought.

July 25, 2009

Frantic Mechanism Jiggering: Racist Attractor?

by Smitty

Today’s Full Metal Jacket Reach Around goes to out to Professor Henry Louis Gates Jr. We’ll probably have more feedback by next week on our postings, but, until then, Willkommen zum Gemeindeorganizerreich. (Welcome to community organizer land.)

This blog took an offbeat interest in the whole Crowley-quiddic affair up at Harvard.

  • Bill Quick, the Daily Pundit, got into a comments discussion with Stacy on one post.
  • Right View from the Left Coast be volunteerin’volunteers to go to Hahvuhd to help regulate.
  • Linked by the pleasantly styled Politics Across the Pond.

The emotionally distraught Stacy McCain, saddened at his non-invitation to speak in Pittsburgh, struggles onward anyway.

  • Chad, at the KURU lounge, laments that he doesn’t have invitations either, much less readers. Sad lad.
  • Jimmie at the Sundries Shack responds to Stacy’s chopped liver rating

    Heck, man. I don’t even get on the same plate as chopped liver.

    to which the Porch Manqué replies: I’d be happy just to get near the table.

Big Money and the Culture of Death, and The Basic Problem with Obamacare got some attention:

  • Michelle Malkin included it as the first link on a post. Let that be a lesson in Applied Grovelling to us all.
  • Ole Phil at Cyber Storm included it in a rhythm poetry roundup.
  • Rightofcourse links us in Health care that doesn’t care about your health. It’s the incentive to get elected and join the elite.
  • The Amused Cynic liked the characterization of Barack’s style, also gets a HEH:“I don’t know all the facts…” but opposing my Health Care non-plan is stupid…
  • Monique Stewart is in favor of running out the clock.
  • The Michigan Blogger links us amidst a depressing portrait of that state.
  • The Constant Conservative, our South Dakota connection, concurs wholeheartedly with the NEA analogy.
  • Rhetorican linked us in a roundup, using the title “No Sleep Till Waterloo”. An obscure FMJRA rule requires us to throw in a clip from No Sleep ’til Hammersmith. Hey, I just create the rules: I don’t understand them, as with the 111th Congress
  • Pundette linked the eugenics post, but offered a fine palate cleanser for it all. Pundette also suggested a promotion for the Porch Manqué, but, truth be told, the ultra-minimalist arrangement is totally a feature. Stacy McCain is a no-kidding pro putting food on the table. So consider the tip jar in its infinite lonliness, ye people.
  • Bob at The Camp of the Saints links us, Dr. Helen, and Jimmie Bise, which is great company, indeed.

IG-Quiddick, the little scandal that could, continues to have interest. The fact that it’s stayed out of the media could imply that they don’t want to jeopardize anything, or that there is significant effort spent to keep it buried. A third possibility is that there’s not much substance to it, but that doesn’t explain the rotting stench very well.

Rubber Duckey Power:
Seen from the standpoint where the US is a tub, power is water, and Washington, DC is the drain, Ron Paul is quite valuable as a rubber ducky for tracking the drainage.

  • Troglopundit went scatalogical on Ron.
  • The Instapundit confesses that the metaphor had not occurred to him.

Erin Andrews–A Cautionary Rule 5 Tale
Robert Heinlein: In a family argument, if it turns out you are right — apologize at once!

  • Donald Douglas was, eventually, correct concerning the newsworthiness of the crime in the Erin Andrews case. This blog linked to his initial post last Sunday, mocking the title, without bothering to see what the fuss was all about.
  • Carolyn Tackett had a humorous take on it.
  • Daily Gator agrees that is was a sick trick to pull.

As your Rule 5 Sunday composter, I’d like to reaffirm the commitment to posts that are in good taste (PG 13 or less steamy), positive, and not subject to legal proceedings. Cassandra, Little Miss Attila: I am sorry.
The various female readers seem to be getting bored with the whole concept of Rule 5 Sunday. Possibly the Erin Andrews Incident was when it jumped the shark. It’s certainly fun to construct, and we’ll likely keep it going, slaves to the hit counter that we are. If we can now return to our ditzy sophomoric mode, that would be cool.

<elvis_voice>Thank you, thank you very much</elvis_voice>
Those who gave us shouts for crossing the two mega-click threshold.

Don’t Make A … Maniac Out Of Me
Stacy alluded to a famous, but new to me, [NSFW] rant, pursuant to the discussion of when you pull the plug on an electoral loser. Specifically, his cousin:

  • Melissa Clouthier mentions Stacy in her podcast. “Conservatives, Libertarians, Health Care & The Sex Lives Of Republicans”
  • Below the Beltway responds to Melissa Clouthier’s Barr voter bashing, mentioning the illustrious Stacy McCain, of course.
  • Common Sense Political Thought also raised the Barr question. Isn’t it rather moot? Crappy candidates==crappy elections.
  • Political Byline isn’t buying the no morals argument.
  • Carolyn Tackett does not support Melissa Clouthier’s position on voting Barr.
  • The Poli-Tea Party also defended Stacy.
  • The Instapundit linked it, too.
  • Liberty Pundit isn’t buying the guilt trip, either.

Mark Levin
This blog reviewed Levin’s demolition of a review of his book. I’m slightly vague on how the left can be so intellectually dishonest so consistently without a head ‘splosion.

  • Chapomatic hatt-tipped the Mark Levin post.
  • E.D. Kain at the League of Ordinary Gentlemen hat tips us for the Levin pointer.

Matthews
What a disgrace to the First Amendment.

Miscellaneous Shouts:

This concludes another FMJRA extravaganza. Send questions/comments/concerns to Smitty.

July 23, 2009

It’s a Good Thing I’m Married . . .

. . . otherwise, Christina Hendricks would have to take out a restraining order to keep me away.

Deuce Geary is also married, to a wonderful woman who doesn’t mind the drool-inducing effect of the Mad Men star’s interview in the August issue of Redbook, wherein everybody’s favorite redhead* answers the inevitable carpet/drapes question.

Exit Question: What’s up with the near-universal male obsession with natural redheads?

* With apologies to Molly Ringwald. You know I still love you, Molly.
July 21, 2009

Sexy For Sale!

Rule 5(c): Sex Sells.

So I was logging into my e-mail account — at some point I must get that inbox cleared out enough that I can see my incoming messages — and there was an ad showing a woman’s belly as she reclined in a bikini. The headline on the ad: “How to Get a Sexy Summer Stomach.” Below that, another ad, this one for “Single? Over 40?”

Maybe Donald Douglas has some thoughts about this. Every day, advertisers are using sex to sell stuff and, in the Internet Age, every time a blogger mentions that he is a successful older professional, the algorithm automatically throws up a spot for Established Men.

That’s a no-go, a scratched mission, because (a) I’m a successful older professional journalist, which is about three paygrades below being a successful janitor, and (b) despite the constant influx of e-mails from desperate women trying to entice me — some of them are, coincidentally enough, relatives of the former Oil Minister of Nigeria — the fact is Mrs. Other McCain has got more sexy than even I can cope with.

My point (and I do have one) is that the problem with a hypersexualized culture is not so much in the supply, but in the demand. If everybody wasn’t trying to look hot in their sexy summer bikini so they could go looking for some SugarDaddie.com, those advertisers wouldn’t be selling that stuff.

A hypersexualized culture has political consequences, “The Sex Vote,” as James Poulos calls it.

Just throwing these thoughts out there, because I’m on deadline for a 2,000-word print article about IG-Gate and want to give the commenters something interesting to discuss for the next several hours. Oh, and the way to get that super-sexy summer stomach? It involves a healthy colon.

NTTAWWT.