Archive for ‘West Virginia’

July 30, 2009

‘Of course, you know, this means war’

So says the Sage of Poca, Don Surber, in a comment on a post where I made casual reference to the notorious ugliness of West Virginia women.

Since I was in a hurry last night to comment on the insane assertion that Maxine Waters could be one of the “most beautiful” people in Washington (or anywhere else), I saw no need to add attributions, footnotes, bibliography or other documentation to support my journalistic account of what is, after all, an objective fact.

Ask any resident of Kentucky or Maryland about the “butterface” women of the Mountaineer State. Sports reporters dread the day they are assigned to cover a game at WVU, where the cheerleaders are known as “The Two-Bagger Squad.”

Even among Pennsylvanians — who have foisted upon an unwilling world a disproportionate number of those heinous women known locally as “Pittsburgh Bridge Trolls” — there is this common saying: “Just because she’s ugly, doesn’t necessarily mean she’s from West Virginia.”

Should Don Surber wish to provide photographic evidence of a West Virginia woman who is not a poster girl for birth control, he is welcome to do so. Otherwise, I can only refer him to the Ohioans, who universally agree that West Virginia women make even the coyote-ugly girls of Toledo look “sexy” by comparison.

No need, of course, to mention the proverbial advice commonly given to desperate and unattractive men in Charlottesville, Staunton and other parts of the Old Dominion: “Either go gay or go to W-V-A.” (Which most folks in Richmond consider to be less strictly a comment on the looks of West Virginia women than an allusion to their infamous promiscuity.)

The point is that this is not my opinion, but an objective fact, verifiable by testimony of millions of witnesses. My personal opinion is moot, and not merely because I am a professional journalist.
Like Dr. James Joyner, my judgment of beauty is permanently biased by having attended college in Alabama, where at least two-thirds of Waffle House waitresses are more attractive than whatever tragedy of aesthetics is annually dubbed “Miss West Virginia.”

UPDATE: Jimmie Bise is from the Eastern Shore of Maryland, a popular vacation destination for women from West Virginia. Jimmie says this is why folks in Ocean City refer to August as the “Dog Days of Summer.”

November 2, 2008

Obama attacks Pennsylvania!

If you attack coal, you’re attacking Pennsylvania, and guess what Obama told his rich friends in San Francisco?

So, if somebody wants to build a coal plant, they can — it’s just that it will bankrupt them, because they are going to be charged a huge sum for all that greenhouse gas that’s being emitted.

Guess Obama can kiss West Virginia good-bye, too.

October 21, 2008

The media’s anointed One

John McCain aide Mark Salter complains bitterly about how totally in the tank the media is for Obama, and Tom Bevan recalls that Hillary Clinton’s aides had the same complaint.

The longer the Democratic primary campaign lasted, the more the national press corps acted like they were on Obama’s payroll. I’ll never forget that day in Shepherdstown, W.Va., right after the North Carolina primary, when this fat, obnoxious CBS reporter more or less told Hillary to quit:

Does her vow to keep fighting, asked one network TV reporter, mean that Clinton will continue her campaign all the way until the vote on the convention floor in Denver?
“I’m staying in this race until there’s a nominee, and I obviously am going to work as hard as I can to become that nominee,” she answered. “So we will continue to contest these elections and move forward.”
The reporter fired back with a follow-up question: “But what do you say to those Democrats who fear that you’re putting the Democratic Party’s chances at risk by…continuing to stay in?”

Honestly, who were “those Democrats” whose fears that jerk from CBS was expressing? Him and his liberal buddies on the press bus, that’s who.

Americans should remember this well. If the Obama presidency goes bad wrong — and does anyone seriously expect it to go well? — it was the media who elected him. Those biased bastards like that guy from CBS will bear a huge responsibility for the result.