Rumors too good to deny

For the record, I can neither confirm nor deny the following Internet rumors:

• Jason Pye was the winning bidder when the Georgia Libertarian Party held a “Skinny Dipping With Bob Barr” fundraiser at its state convention.
• My close personal friend Terry McAuliffe has endorsed my proposal to have Abu Zadayah and Khalid Shaikh Mohammed beaten to death at the Texas State Fair on pay-per-view TV.
• Ross Douthat and David Brooks got into a screaming match over who deserved most credit for the New York Times winning five Pulitzers.
• Megan McCain once slept with every member of the Sigma Nu fraternity at Columbia University in exchange for a large pepperoni pizza.
• I am a neo-Confederate lesbian.

None of these rumors can be accepted as factual, but neither can they be dismissed as pure speculation.

UPDATE: Thanks to Ed Driscoll, I will now deny having anything to do with the notorious “Pickle Surprise” video. However, I can confirm that Melissa Clouthier is doing Twitter matchmaking between Allahpundit and Meghan McCain. Oh, and Andy Levy of “Red Eye” is playing Allah’s wingman. I think they’re about to perform a Twitter duet of “You’ve Lost That Lovin’ Feeling.”

‘Karl Rove follows me on Twitter. That’s creepy.’

Who else but Meghan McCain?

Karl Rove follows me on Twitter. That’s creepy. I joined Twitter a few months ago; so far, it has been a liberating way to transition from political to personal blogging. It’s allowed me to share the less serious aspects and humorously uncensored moments of my life. But there’s also been a downside: I am now being followed by Karl Rove, and my local sheriff, and God knows how many other political pundits. We need to take Twitter back from the creepy people.

(Via Memeorandum.) OK, to start with, Karl Rove is following me on Twitter, too. He follows lots of people. But what Meghan probably doesn’t realize is that she is being followed by thousands of people (bloggers included) who enjoy making fun of the incredibly stupid things she says. Who appointed her the commissar in charge of deciding who’s “creepy”?

Dunk ’em again!

The New York Times expects outrage:

C.I.A. interrogators used waterboarding, the near-drowning technique that top Obama administration officials have described as illegal torture, 266 times on two key prisoners from Al Qaeda, far more than had been previously reported.
The C.I.A. officers used waterboarding at least 83 times in August 2002 against Abu Zubaydah . . .
The 2005 memo also says that the C.I.A. used waterboarding 183 times in March 2003 against Khalid Shaikh Mohammed, the self-described planner of the Sept. 11, 2001, terrorist attacks.

Look, we hanged Saddam Hussein and sent the 101st Airborne to kill Saddam’s sons, Uday and Qusay. What is “waterboarding” compared to violent death?

Who could possibly give a crap about the “rights” of terrorist scumbags like Abu Zubaydah and Khalid Shaikh Mohammed? Their “rights” would not have been infringed if they had gotten a 9mm slug through their skulls the day they were captured. Excuse me for not being surprised that, having mercifully allowed Abu and Khalid to continue breathing, the CIA doesn’t treat these vermin like guests for Sunday dinner.

If I were president — and remember, this is merely a hypothetical — the CIA would have taken Abu and Khalid to the Texas State Fair, where they would have been strapped tightly to a telephone poll. Tickets would be sold at $20 each for one whack at ’em with an aluminum baseball bat.

Everybody would get their turn, one whack at a time, until there was nothing left of Abu and Khalid except a bloody stain. The $20 per ticket is a nominal fee. The real money would be in the pay-per-view royalties. But remember: This is merely a hypothetical.

UPDATE: Welcome, Andrew Sullivan readers. Please read my reply, in the comments below, to Tim Burns’s insufficient appreciation for hypothetical discourse. There is a special place reserved in Hell for people who treat any statement by me beginning, “If I were president . . .” as if it were a policy prescription.

The hypothetical was meant to contrast (a) the tender-hearted concern for the “rights” of terrorists manifested by the New York Times with (b) the manner of treatment that Abu and Khalid could expect from attendees of the Texas State Fair.

Perhaps I could better illustrate the purpose of a hypothetical by beginning a sentence, “If I was hung like a porn star . . .” Oh, wait.

UPDATE II: Linked by Mike at Cold Fury, Jimmie at Sundries Shack, James Joyner at Outside the Beltway, and by Stephen Gordon at the Liberty Papers. Gordo also links Bob Barr, but neglects to mention that Barr used to work for the CIA. (Coincidence? I don’t think so!)

Speaking of hypotheticals, if Bob Barr were a major-league babe magnet . . . Oh, wait.

Note to Mrs. Barr: Bob was perfectly innocent. This photo was my idea, and my suggestion of raising money for the Georgia Libertarian Party by having an impromptu “Skinny Dipping With Bob” fundraiser was entirely hypothetical.

UPDATE III: Moe Lane at Red State:

The American people don’t really want to reach any sort of understanding of terrorists (“Why do they hate us?”); they just want them dead, or wishing that they were . . .

In the numerous comments below, I’ve been lectured by “progressives” who seem convinced that I am an inhuman thug who doesn’t understand the concept of “rights.” I’ve also been lectured about the inauthenticity of my speaking on behalf of truck drivers. Both of my brothers are truck drivers and I assure you that my modest (hypothetical) proposal for Abu and Khalid is extremely merciful compared to anything my brothers would propose.

Axelrod doesn’t get Tea Party concept

Dishonest or ignorant? You decide:

Senior White House adviser David Axelrod on Sunday suggested the “Tea Party” movement is an “unhealthy” reaction to the tough economic climate facing the country. . . .
“I think any time you have severe economic conditions there is always an element of disaffection that can mutate into something that’s unhealthy,” Axelrod said. . . .
“The thing that bewilders me is that this president just cut taxes for 95 percent of the American people,” Axelrod argued.

Let me explain something to you, David Axelrod: Obama and the Democrats didn’t “cut taxes” in a way that will stimulate economic growth. They didn’t reduce or eliminate the capital gains tax. They didn’t reduce or eliminate the corporate tax. Most of all, they didn’t reduce the top marginal rate.

The stupid “targeted tax cuts” approach that Democrats have been pushing for the past 15 years — check this box on your 1040 and add an extra few hundred bucks to your refund — does nothing meaningful to stimulate growth. The fact that most of that money is going to people who don’t pay income taxes anyway means that it is, in fact, a welfare giveaway, not a tax cut.

What you, David Axelrod, don’t understand is that those of us who support a growth-oriented economic policy aren’t in favor of tax cuts on a “more-money-for-me” basis. It’s not about who gets what, it’s about increasing prosperity by expanding liberty. But Democrats are so narrow-minded that they don’t even grasp the concept.

Allahpundit:

No surprise that the master of astroturfing would find a true grassroots movement distasteful.

Via Donald Douglas, here is CNN’s John King calling the Tea Party movement “ginned up”:

UPDATE: Linked at RCP Best of the Blogs.

A Fine Juxtaposition

by Smitty (h/t: Likelihood of Success)

Six Meat Buffet offers a fine juxtaposition.

Larry Johnson Unimpressed

by Smitty

No Quarter lives up to the name reviewing the Obama recap of the Chavez meeting:

Here’s what is wrong with his lame-ass explanation/excuse. He is pretending that there are only two choices–hostility or the servility Obama demonstrated. I have lived and worked in Central and South America for more than 31 years. There is a way to be polite to Chavez without the glad handing and frat boy mugging that Obama engaged in. And you certainly do not start a dialogue about important policy differences by letting an arrogant prick like Chavez school you and humiliate you before the world.