A linky-love recession?

How hard did I work to own the Carrie Prejean breast implant meme? Like a mofo.

So I’m checking SiteMeter and notice traffic off an Ace of Spades thread, check it out and it’s Ace blogging about Carrie’s fake tits. But it’s not Ace that’s linking me, it’s a commenter.

Instead, Ace links Jammie Wearing Fool, whom I beat to this meme by at least a week. And then I go to Jammie’s place and see that he got a freaking Instalanche.

So then, I notice I’m getting traffic from a Hot Air thread, but when I go there, it’s not Allah linking me, it’s also a commenter. Allah won’t link me even though I was blogging about this at the Green Room this morning!

WTF? Is my blog-fu fading? Is it my breath? If I wanted to be treated like crap, I would have stayed in the newspaper business.

UPDATE: Welcome to the Linky-Love Deficit Syndrome Encounter Group, where we sit around and talk about our feelings about our anemic traffic. And hug and cry a lot.

UPDATE II: When it rains, it pours, and your protege gets linked by The New York Daily News. It makes a guy feel . . . inadequate.

UPDATE III: Brother Jimmie offers comforting words. We covet the linkage.

UPDATE IV: Carol at No Sheeples Here gives me a hug. And you know something? I think maybe Allahpundit is jealous because my wife of 20 years is still so freaking hot. And I’m going to rub his face in it by posting another hot photo of her from back in the day:

Yeah. They’re real. And they’re spectacular.

‘SWINE FLU: PANDEMIC IMMINENT?’

The title of this post was the chyron on my TV screen a little while ago as MSNBC interviewed Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano about the Media Panic Of The Week. Meanwhile, Joe Biden is warning citizens to avoid subways and planes. (What about AmTrak, Joe?) And in watching last night’s White House press conference, I was struck by the number of questions Obama got about swine flu.

WTF? Not since the Great Alar Apple Scare of 1989 have so many media alarmists spread so much panic to so many about so little. Jim Harper of Cato has noted the absurdity of treating a (largely potential) flu pandemic as a “national security” issue. What’s going on here? Two things, basically:

• Women and old folks — Health news is consumed mainly by women and the elderly. Healthy men in the prime of life tend to consider themselves invulnerable to disease. Every real guy learns at an early age that only wussie-boys fret over germs. Real guys instinctively loathe the neurasthenic wimp who explains his latest case of the sniffles by whining, “It’s my allergies.” Women, however, seem to have an inherent predisposition toward hypochondria. For example, women are the prime market for hand sanitizer; it’s like they have a self-esteem issue about their immune systems. And old folks, of course, spend 80% of their waking hours worrying about their health, carefully monitoring themselves for “regularity” and visiting the doctor weekly to demand diagnoses and treatment for their various aches and pains. This is why Medicare is threatening to bankrupt America: Going to the doctor is actually a hobby for the elderly. Old folks love to collect things, and now they’re collecting prescriptions at taxpayer expense. (Honestly: Go look at your Grandma’s medicine cabinet.)
• The illusion of executive competence — One thing certain about swine flu: The panic will eventually end. A week or two from now, the outbreak will have run its course and people will stop worrying about it. But the ubiquitous image of Barack Obama on TV, speaking calmly in his resonant baritone about government measures to combat The Dreaded Swine Flu Menace, will have had their intended effect of conveying the idea that he is The Man In Charge, the calm at the eye of the storm, the antithesis of how George W. Bush was perceived during Hurricane Katrina.

Not coincidentally, if you scratch the surface of those polls showing how popular Obama is, you’ll see that women, old folks and neurasthenic wussie-boys are his strongest constituencies. Ask Grandma — if you can catch her between her taxpayer-funded visits to the doctor — what she thinks of how Obama has handled The Dreaded Swine Flu Menace.

Obama’s lackeys in the media know exactly what they’re doing. Turning an ordinary virus into a Code Orange national-security threat is political gold for Obama.

Go patriarchy, go!

Darlene Click’s beautiful daughter just got married! But don’t worry, lovelorn right-wing bachelors of the blogosphere, Darlene’s got at least two more beautiful daughters.

Take that, Amanda Marcotte!

SHANNA MOAKLER: NAKED LIAR?

Earlier today, I reported Shanna Moakler’s denial of Perez Hilton’s report that she had told Access Hollywood that pageant officials paid for Carrie Prejean’s implants. Now Access Hollywood reports:

Shanna Moakler, Co-Executive Director of the Miss California Organization, has confirmed the group behind the pageant paid for Miss California Carrie Prejean’s breast implants, weeks before she competed in Miss USA.
In a new interview with Access Hollywood’s Billy Bush, Shanna confirmed the news.
“Did you guys pay for it?: Billy asked Shanna directly.
“Yes,” Shanna said. “We did.”
The organization paid for Carrie’s breast enhancement prior to her competing in the Miss USA pageant, which was held in Las Vegas, almost two weeks ago.
“It was something that we all spoke about together,” Shanna said referring to herself, Carrie and Keith Lewis, Shanna’s co-executive director. “It was an option and she wanted it. And we supported that decision.”
Shanna, a former Miss USA herself, defended the Miss California Organization’s decision to pay for the elective surgery.
“Breast implants in pageants is not a rarity. It’s definitely not taboo. It’s very common. Breast implants today among young women today is very common. I don’t personally have them, but you know — they are,” she added.

You lying bitch! You deleted your earlier Tweet, in which you denied the Perez Hilton story, then turned around and Twittered:

Just did Access Hollywood, feel very good about it and hope I cleared up things! Billy Bush was a great!

Public Relations 101: NEVER LIE TO A REPORTER. We are not stupid. You are not required to respond to any press inquiry. You can refuse to comment, “neither confirm nor deny,” etc. But never lie, because once you’re caught lying, your credibility is shot.

Obviously, however, you’re telling the truth about not having implants. I did my research, lady. They’re real enough, all right. But they’re definitely not spectacular (or safe for work). No wonder Travis dumped you. Maybe he’ll take the kids, too.

UPDATE: Via Dan Collins, prepare for the weirdness of Perez Hilton in drag as . . . Bettie Page. Go ahead and laugh while you can. If Obama gets his way, it will be a hate crime to laugh. It’s already illegal discrimination to fire a transsexual.

UPDATE II: Frank J asks: “Why are people always trying to tear down our heroes?” Feet of clay, boobs of silicone?

Also, not to fuel anyone’s paranoia, but I’m getting anonymous tips that Carrie Prejean might actually be a Trojan Horse for the gay-rights movement. Prejean is friends with pageant director Keith Lewis, who was executive producer for a pro-gay documentary, “For The Bible Tells Me So.”

According to my tipster’s theory — and this is just speculation — the whole Perez Hilton question for Prejean was a setup, a stunt conceived to catapult Prejean to celebrity as a national spokewoman against same-sex marriage. Then, a few months later, she’ll have a “Road To Damascus” conversion, claiming to have “seen the light” about how hateful those conservative homophobes are, and why same-sex marriage should be the law of the land.

Also, my tipster speculates, various people (including Shanna Moakler) are using the Prejean controversy as publicity to help them negotiate new reality-TV gigs. (Apparently, landing a reality-show contract has in recent years become the obsession of every washed-up starlet and D-lister in Hollywood.)

This is all just speculation from anonymous tipsters, and is close enough to being outright conspiracy theory that I take it with numerous grains of salt. However, it’s worth keeping in mind as we watch the continuing saga of Carrie Prejean.

UPDATE III: I’ve also explained the tin-foil hat/silicone boobs theory at the Green Room. Meanwhile, Brian Simpson disputes my assessment of Moakler’s (non-)spectacularity. I’m sorry, Brian: I’ve got very high standards in this regard, after being married 20 years to such a hottie.

UPDATE IV: Naturally, Pandagon’s Pam Spaulding is outraged that anyone could (even pretend to) be against same-sex marriage.

UPDATE V: Ace says Prejean is getting the “Joe The Plumber treatment” from the press corps, and sees a double standard at work. Please note that, although I’m a thoroughgoing right-winger, I don’t feel like it’s my job to ignore Carrie’s fakies.

News is news, facts are facts, and — most importantly — traffic is traffic. I’m a capitalist blogger, and I don’t see any reason to let Gawker and Perez Hilton monopolize the “Carrie Prejean fake boob” traffic.

The 100 Days PrimeTime LoveFest

The slobbering apologists of the White House press corps will pitch underhanded softballs at Obama’s Teleprompter tonight.

I don’t know that I can bear to watch, but fortunately, Steve Green of VodkaPundit is already three martinis into his drunkblogging. (Don’t try this at home, kids: This man is a professional alcoholic.)

UPDATE: On Twitter, Mike Laroche says he’d rather watch Michael Moore eat bacon off Janeane Garofalo’s breasts.

I just switched on the TV and am amazed by the Mexican swine flu obsession of the Washington press corps. As I explained to David Brooks yesterday, it’s very easy to avoid Mexican swine flu:

1. Avoid swine.
2. Avoid Mexicans.

Of course, for the DC press corps, being around a lot of swine is an occupational reality.

Congratulations, William Jacobson!

To be called a “blowhard” by Alan Colmes is a high honor indeed!

Thomas J. Marier is badly confused and writing for David Frum, but I repeat myself

He’s also a friend of mine, which is why he asked me to denounce his latest article at The New Majority. I’d be happy to demolish his argument, except that it’s such incoherent jibberish that it’s impossible to understand exactly what he’s trying to say. Perhaps readers will click over there and leave rude comments for Marier, just so he’s grateful for the Rule 4 punk-smacking he so richly deserves.

$500,000 transsexual bailout

“Discrimination“:

A federal judge has awarded a former Army Special Forces commander nearly $500,000 because she was rejected from a job at the Library of Congress while transitioning from a man to a woman.
Diane Schroer of Alexandria, Va., applied for the terrorism analyst job while she was still a man named David Schroer. He was offered the job, but the offer was pulled after he told a library official that he was having surgery to change his gender.
U.S. District Judge James Robinson ruled Tuesday that Schroer was entitled to $491,190 in back pay and damages because of sex discrimination.

You could also view this as a violation of the Americans With Disabilities Act, since Shroer is an amputee.

UPDATE: In an unrelated but equally weird development, People magazine has named Timothy Geithner and Rahm Emanuel to its “100 Most Beautiful People” list. Helen Thomas has demanded a recount.

You are not surprised . . .

. . . to learn that Hillary Clinton rented out her e-mail list of supporters for $4.5 million?

I signed up for her e-mails, in order to keep track of her campaign last year. Perhaps that explains all the spam scam soliciations filling up my inbox.

For the record, spammers: I am not interested in meeting “HOT RUSSIAN BEAUTIES.”

Nor do I believe that you are actually a representative of the former oil minister of Nigeria.

And I don’t need “Special Herbal Supplements” to give me “Extra Staying Power,” no matter what my wife may have told you.

Confirmed: They’re fakies

UPDATED 9 p.m.: SHANNA MOAKLER IS A LIAR!

PREVIOUSLY: Perez Hilton: “In a very catty move. . . [Miss California USA pageant directors Keith] Lewis and [Shanna] Moakler confirmed to Access Hollywood that the Miss California pageant paid for Carrie Prejean to get breast implants six weeks before the Miss USA competition.”

UPDATE 2 PM: Keith Lewis is DENYING that either he or Moakler told Access Hollywood any such thing. However, Lewis did not deny that Carrie’s got fake boobs. Don’t worry: We are fearlessly committed to exposing the truth here.

You heard it here first, folks!

And we’re now the the No. 1 Google for “carrie+prejean+implants“!

UPDATE 2:30 p.m.: Via Twitter, ShannaMoakler also denies the Perez Hilton item. Folks, I’m trying hard to get to the truth. As I just said in an e-mail to Bob Barr, it’s not the crime, it’s the cover-up. What did Shanna Moakler know, and when did she know it?

UPDATE 5:40 p.m.: Ouch:

Did she buy them at Walmart? . . . Not a good look when you are competing in a national beauty pageant, but a great look for amateur night at your local strip club. Supposedly, the state committee for Miss California – USA bought them for her; my question is, Did they use a coupon?

UPDATE 6 p.m.: From the official bio:

[Prejean] an advocate for encouraging healthy lifestyles for young women. Carrie wants people to remember her as being compassionate and real.

Jezebel comments:

If it turns out that Miss California organizers bought her new breasts, they should be called on the carpet; and Prejean may need to rethink that last statement.

Stay tuned for further BreastGate updates as the investigation continues . . .

UPDATE: An anonymous commenter (whom for some reason I suspect to be either Troglopundit or Professor Donald Douglas) provides this link to a photo of pre-fakie Carrie.

In a related development, why is Perez Hilton involved in an organization that discriminates against transsexuals?

BTW, if Miss Prejean wishes to deny that she’s got implants, she should e-mail Smitty, who has been appointed chairman of the Fake Boob Investigative Commission.

UPDATE II: Alert the media!

FOR IMMEDIATE RELASE
BREAST IMPLANT PANDEMIC MUST BE EXPOSED
Internet Investigation Launched in Wake of Pageant Scandal
WASHINGTON, D.C. April 29 — Revelations that Miss California USA pageant sponsors paid for Carrie Prejean’s breast augmentation procedure have prompted a group of Internet activists to organize an investigation of the prevalence of silicone implants in the pageant industry.
“This is an aesthetic disgrace and an unpatriotic insult to the fine tradition of American breasts,” said blogger Robert Stacy McCain, a leading online advocate of traditional values who helped launch the Fake Boob Investigative Commission. “These pageant officials are displaying a widespread and harmful prejudice against small breasts that damages the self-esteem of millions of women in this country. Their claim to value ‘diversity’ is clearly false, so long as they effectively banish healthy American A-cups from their competitions.”
Vowing to combat the misleading use of “fakies” in the pageant industry, the Internet activists announced a slogan for their campaign: “REAL PRIDE: EXPOSE THE FAKES!” The activists urge that pageant contestants with natural breasts publicly declare their unenhanced status, and “name names” of contestants whom they know to have had deceptive implant surgery.
“This isn’t just about small-breasted women,” McCain said. “Naturally large-breasted women are also being cheated by being forced into competition with these artificially enhanced frauds. It’s the equivalent of illegal steroid use in sports.”
McCain said that at least one former member of Congress has expressed interest in the issue, and that the Fake Boob Commission is seeking legal advice on whether the use of breast implants in pageants violates state or federal laws, including civil rights statutes.

Legal advisers say a class-action lawsuit is possible, if we could find enough beauty pageant contestants with real breasts who feel they have been victimized by discrimination.

UPDATE III: We have a theme song, “Miss California,” by Jack’s Mannequin:

UPDATE IV: Another shocking revelation: WATER IS WET!